Category Archives: The Salty Ham

Jun 12 0 comments
All Things Considered Southern, Ins-and-Outs, Sharing Our Nation's Cap-i-tal, The Salty Ham

may i re-introduce you?

Now that I’ve been back to the city of Birmingham for about 3 weeks now, it’s amazing how much I forgot. However, maybe forgot is a horrible description of my readaptation to southern life. Maybe I should say evolved… but not necessarily in a good way.

When you live in Washington, D.C. (or any large urban center), you quickly learn to forget about the world around you… You don’t speak to folks walking down the street, and quite often you don’t even speak when spoken to. You just go on about your world, get to your destination, enjoy said destination, and you’re on your merry way. It’s nice, actually, and much more enjoyable than it sounds… especially when you have some of the stranger wanderers amidst.

However, in Alabama, and more generally, the South, it’s rude to not at least acknowledge someone’s presence with a hello or a head-nod. And, it’s beyond belief to not speak back to someone who has acknowledged your presence. I find it quite difficult to reacclamate myself to the general strangerly kindness that the South has proudly proclaimed.

Then, there are the highways… I told many before I left that I was worried about the insane level of road rage that exists here. Maybe it has to do with Talladega’s proximity; I don’t know. But, since I’ve re-entered the South (as soon as I got to the Tennessee state line), I’ve been almost run over, crashed into, and run off the road nearly a dozen times. In D.C., you get honked at and/or flipped off, and you’re done. No dice here… it’s revenge if you pull into a lane before someone wants you to do so. It’s scary stuff.

My other favorite part of drivers here are the license plates and bumper stickers. One said crazy driver that sped past me going about 80 in a 35 mph zone had “John 15:5″ on their license plate. Did I forget to mention that he then ran a red light and then through a parking lot to avoid an intersection? He promptly parked at the police station, and hopped out in his full uniform. Whaddya know… a Christian police officer that just broke 4 laws in one swift maneuver. It always ends up that way… the people who are the rudest and most violent tend to have the most ‘gracious’ stickers and tags. Go figure…

While there are definitely cons once you’ve adapted to city life, there are the quaint things that you tend to forget about. Namely, Lynard Skynard. I’ve heard some kind of Skynard music at least once (if not many more times) a week in my various destinations. Today’s episode included the local Winn-Dixie grocery store (and good grief with the expensive groceries AND the sales tax – 10%). I forgot how nice it was to have no grocery tax in Maryland…

I think the largest adjustment I’ve had to make is the time difference. While I have gained an hour in transferring from Eastern Standard Time to Central, my brain is all confused since I learned TV show times in EST. And while I’ve changed it 3 times, it seems that my VCR/DVD player has refused to take on CST, preferring to readjust itself to EST (even with the auto adjust settings turned off). Thank God for TiVo or I’d be doomed.

It’s taking me a lot longer to readjust here than it did to adapt to Washington, D.C. Being homesick for the district also doesn’t help the process…

Jun 01 0 comments
Sweet Home Alabama, The Salty Ham

an overdue update

Wow. It’s been a while since I last posted. It’s not that I haven’t thought of things to write. I just usually forget to sit down and write it when I think of it. Some memory, huh?

Since the last post, things have completely changed. I’ve relocated back to Birmingham, Alabama, where I’m headed back to graduate school to get my Master’s degree. Unfortunately, it would’ve been impossible to work full time to pay rent, and only school half time and finish within a considerable timeframe. Sometimes, I believe, it is good to be impatient. So, I blame my impatience on the ambition to do what I really want. What can you do?

For the summer, I’m taking a graduate seminar (one of only 2 offered this summer) on the history of Birmingham. I’m pretty excited about it, actually. It’s my belief that there are only a few people who really ‘get’ me… and Sassy is one of those. She’s so right when she said that Birmingham is an inspiration to me. It’s hard to be here, since it’s almost like claiming failure in D.C. (although, I will be back when I’m done), but the history here fascinates me. It really is an inspiration… an awkward one, but it definitely is something that I can’t put into words.

For the moment, I’m temporarily saying goodbye to the city of history and politics, and life as I’ve known it, and taking in as much history as my mind will allow, while concentrating on writing the greatest thesis about Birmingham that I can possibly write. For now, that’s my biggest concern. :)

Sep 02 0 comments
The Salty Ham

always the underdog

Fall brings in the signs of one of the greatest seasons of the year: college football. Today’s inauguration to the 2006 season brought tears and cheers across the country.

By way of life, the South breeds football players. It was pretty obvious as many games were played today. Tennessee’s linemen constantly towered over California. Auburn’s defense looks like an iron wall compared to Washington State. And of course Bama’s boys are always covering the offensive line like a crimson wave of fury.

It’s quite obvious that the South is proud of its football and hoists its own conference above others without even the slightest thought. I won’t even hesitate to say that I laugh to myself when others around me say that the ACC or the Pac-10 has a powerhouse. It’s not to be rude, it’s just an honest fact: the SEC has a proven record of incredible players, legacies, and teams. It’s just a part of the game that all college football fans must accept.

I accept it. And, my alma mater is not an SEC team. In fact, there is no way that my undergrad would be considered in the SEC. It’s not that they aren’t great—it’s the threat that they pose to other state teams. Because, you see, my alma mater, the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) just took on this season’s first game on national television against the #5 team in the country. And, they didn’t just roll over and die, either.

I’m proud to call myself a Blazer after their performance tonight. Yeah, they had 10 penalties, a few turnovers, and missed some huge passes. But, who doesn’t on their first game? Tonight, UAB held Oklahoma to 24 points, and scored 17 against them. Tonight, UAB showed that they are a force to be reckoned with. And for that, I’m proud to be a UAB alum.

Go Blazers!

Jul 04 0 comments
The Salty Ham

the first trip home…

• I’d take 98º birmingham day over an 89º D.C. day… anyday. It’s SO much different. Not that i would change my new home city, but it’s just freakin’ humid. And in alabama, it’s dryer. 15 times dryer.

• I don’t like driving anymore… and when I say driving, I mean driving in a different car than my own and on roadways that aren’t streets or avenues. Basically, if it’s not a diagonal or a grid, I don’t like it. In less than 2 months, i’ve become totally addicted to public transportation.

• I feel like I’m visiting a foreign country (which consequently I’ve never done, but for endearment, it’s an expression) going back to the south. Whether it is the fact that the cultures are so incredibly different, or I’ve just moved on, or if it is a fact of life, my old home doesn’t seem so familiar. Isn’t that what home is supposed to be? My old room literally got turned into an office, and I sleep in a guest bedroom. I’m a stranger in my own town.

• Give me a weekend brunch over dinner any day. Yeah, yeah, I’ve become the end-all-be-all of D.C. culture and fallen right in. But there are some amazing omelettes being made around the city by every restaurant conceivable… In Alabama, you’re good if you can get it at 1 out of 100 restaurants, but maybe (hopefully) I’m wrong.

• Southern hospitality is fabulous, but the boundaries end when you leave the South. Don’t be fooled… I tried to be nice and polite and all in D.C., and you get pushed around. The only problem is when you become so accustomed to being brash in the city, and it translates into a beast when you hit up the South again. And yes, I’m guilty… but, tourists need to learn that I’ve got deadlines to make and they’re hogging up space on the escalator. And yes, that 15 seconds really does matter. ;)

• If I get generalized into the racist bigot category one more time because of my accent, or I’m told that racism is the worst in the South than anywhere else, I could possibly give myself a coronary. And from now on, it’s gonna start getting ugly because I’m not taking it anymore.

• I’m a workaholic. I was one here, too, according to southern terms, and it has only gotten worse by moving. I love it… it keeps me busy, and I feel no stress from it. I think it’s the salary plus paid overtime that keeps me scrambling; those paychecks are beautiful things. :)

• If I’m on a plane going to birmingham, don’t look at me like i’m crazy for being unhappy to go. Don’t get me wrong, I love the people that I see and don’t get to see. But, Birmingham and I, we’re through… or at least on a break. It just doesn’t have what I need in a relationship… we’re at totally different places in our lives. That, and compared to the food, events, and culture I’ve gotten to experience in D.C., sometimes home seems so bland. But, there’s something to say for the people… they are irreplaceable in my book. :)

Mar 08 4 comments
Political Slants, Sharing Our Nation's Cap-i-tal, The Salty Ham

church fires

Two students from Birmimgham-Southern, and one student from UAB, have been connected to the ten church fires in Alabama. It’s good to know that they’ve figured out what’s going on, but I’d like to know what’s going on with the kids.

People keep saying that it is a hate-fest on Baptist churches, but I’m not buying it. If it is, why not target churches closer. There has to be a deeper reason to why they chose to do that. Of course, the fact that BSC is a Methodist school won’t help rumors that it’s a Baptist connection…

Of course, news of what Iran is threatening if the US doesn’t back down from sanctions sure doesn’t help this news.

Mar 07 3 comments
Ins-and-Outs, Political Slants, Sharing Our Nation's Cap-i-tal, The Salty Ham

depravity

While wasting my life away in the overthrow of grad school and books, I’ve not completely separated myself from society. OK, well, society, yes. But, definitely not the news.

Amazingly, Alabama will be raising the income tax threshold from $4500 to more than $12000 in a family. This is great news, especially in light of our regressive tax structure outlined in the 1901 Constitution. Maybe this new agreement between Riley and the legislature will get some things accomplished… like a new Constitution? We’ll see…

Otherwise, I’ve been trying to brush up for an upcoming trip to New York & Washington… as an adult leader for high school juniors and seniors. This year’s topic is immigration. It should be interesting to see how it plays out in the seminars at the UN & Methodist Building. The group is in the beginning of the blog stage. Here’s hoping it will begin to liven up a bit. :)

Uh, oh. It looks like State Senator Hank Erwin (a.k.a. aspiring Pat Robertson-ite) is at it again. This man just doesn’t know when to stop hacking everyone off. All I can ask is that he please review his Southern Baptist background from the early 1990s: separation of church and state.

For now, it’s back to the books, and not to my bed.

Mar 04 3 comments
Leg-Slappin' Fun, The Salty Ham

weathered society

In Alabama, there are few people that you trust more than your local weatherman. Why? Well, it’s simple… Alabama weather is insanely freakish. Remember December 2001? An F5 tornado ripped through Tuscaloosa. I remember that one… It has forever scarred my 21st 22nd birthday (obviously though, my mind can’t remember which birthday it was)…

Back to the original thought… Any time that I have seen Birmingham’s Son of Weather, James Spann, I’ve always looked up… err, admired him (I always have to remember he is only about 5′3″ even if the cameras make him into a giant). Apparently, they tend to get a little rowdy at times.

How rowdy? Well, their post will show that there is some mad buffet-ing and ketchup guzzling going on.

And we all thought they were such good boys and girls…

Feb 23 0 comments
Ins-and-Outs, Political Slants, The Salty Ham, Voices of the Past

flu-sie

Holy majolee… Just in case you haven’t had your dose, the flu really, REALLY sucks. Until this morning, I’ve been miserable on the couch since Sunday morning. It’s not a good feeling, let me tell you. Apparently, Alabama is set to get ready for a flu pandemic. I’d say we’re already there… there are way too many people with it. Want to know the real proof? I haven’t had the flu in 15 years… now, I’m a proud victim.

If you didn’t know it, then you should hear it now. The Senate Ethics Committe has passed a resolution/bill calling for a Constitutional Convention for the state of Alabama. It will now go to the Rules Committee to get to the floor of the Senate. It passed unanimously… this could be a fabulous thing, especially considering it couldn’t get out of House Committees.

The latest news to come out of the woodworks is the sale of the ports to the UAE. While I haven’t fully understood what is going on, I’m hoping that someone does… that, and hopefully I can blame my confusion on the illness. If it is as bad as it seems to me, the world might get really interesting. Thanks to buddy Marcus, it may possibly make sense. Hey, at least there’s another Birmingham blog that is interesting to read.

Also, last night… fabulous author Sarah Vowell appeared on The Daily Show. Great show, Sarah… and I love your books.

I feel this has been too personal. And, way too uninformative. I’m out to shake off the flu, and waste my last day of sickness in front of the television… I can’t do that any other time…. Until then, enjoy a great article on Stephen Colbert’s Truthiness.

Feb 18 0 comments
Leg-Slappin' Fun, Political Slants, The Salty Ham, Voices of the Past

shrewdness wins out

Sometimes you just need a little explanation, because some things you hear are just beyond belief. Take a few of today’s news items, for example:

A new musical is being developed to lighten up the dreaded economic/financial news of the downfall of a former corporation. Look for Enron: The Musical in a town near you!

News reports say that Michael Jackson wins back sole custody of his kids. But, hey… no matter about the court case of child molestation on his record… They’ll be glad to be back with dad for sure!

The Washington Post reports today that a Spotlsylvania Sherriff has condoned the activity of his officers in order to bust a prostitution ring. You’ll never guess how they did it.

Bolivia is searching for ways to reharvest/reinvent the coca wheel. Now, research says that it can be used in sweets and syrups… or in other words, cereal! Load up kids, those Frosted Flakes are GGRRREEEEEAAAAAAAAT!

In other sherriff-related and drug-related matters, Jefferson County sherriff’s deputies had a record-breaking find of more than 2,000 pounds of marijuana.

And, in to some of the latest Cheney-bashing, reports say that gunshot victim Whittington was ’sorry’ for getting in the way (if you ask me, he looks like he suffered a minor stroke the way the right side of his face is sagging). NOTE (of somewhat related measure): The show Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me features blues harmonica-ist (?) Corkey Siegel singing a song about Cheney’s shooting. It’s absolutely priceless.

Back to the Mill…

Feb 14 2 comments
Ins-and-Outs, Political Slants, Sharing Our Nation's Cap-i-tal, The Salty Ham, Voices of the Past

bigger than my body

Why, news is getting more and more interesting as the days go by. Of course, VP Dick Cheney has brought tons of press to himself… And boy, has every funny man on TV tried to pull some laughs off of his humiliation. I still giggle about that.

Last night, ‘The Daily Show’ had a fantastic show about the Cheney ‘incident.’ If you missed it, check it out here. I bet you never knew that Alexander Hamilton was shot, huh? This is yet another reason why ‘The Daily Show’ is absolutely addictive. I, for one, can’t live without its poignant satire and grandiloquent nonsense.

In other ‘Cheney shot a man in the face’ news, the Daily Kos has offered a great metaphor to fully understand why this story isn’t just about a veep shooting another man accidentally, and why the story will be around for a while. It may be a little leading, but it’s still an interesting concept.

Other news/blogs to note today:

  • DNC Chair Howard Dean appeared on ‘Face the Nation’ on Sunday. Read (and see) his interview here.
  • The Daily Kos also gave an analysis on what is considered liberal by the ‘Bush Cult’.
  • The DNC gives its plan for how it will reach the masses in the Annual Report to the Grassroots.
  • The National Zoo’s new panda plays in the snow (it was way too cute not to share).
  • Insight on the one-sided war…
  • Comedian Dave Chapelle picks Birmingham for a tour spot. While you’re there, don’t forget to browse over the fact that a woman was shot in a drive-by on the Interstate near UAB.
  • Reports from GOPs leave much to blame from Katrina.

    • That’s all for now. I’ve got to reinstall my computer at work now.