what is past is prologue…
the mind of the muse
Category Archives: Ins-and-Outs
ikea
Shopping at Ikea is like returning to therapy:
It feels like the right thing to to do, but then you get there and realize you aren’t adequately emotionally prepared.
ti-i-ime
So, despite having Hootie and the Blowfish's tune rolling through my mind as I'm desperately wishing for more hours in the day, I am trying to figure out how to consolidate the things that I'm currently doing to make time for what I need to be doing. There are must-do items, such as studying, which is sort of required for class… Well, not sort of, it is. I'm just really not motivated right now. I remember feeling like this last summer. There is something about summer that is very ill-motivating about studying and schoolwork. One of the main problems is that my first week of work fell right at the beginning of the semester, which means I'm double-studying.
I could be a complete recluse. However, I've done that for the past year. Since I returned for graduate school, all I have done is work for graduate school. And the time I spend NOT on graduate school isn't necessarily out and about amidst the city… it's usually spent chatting with out-of-town friends through various mediums of internet or phone. I have intentionally not spent time out and about, because I knew that my time here would most likely be temporary (or to my hope at least). I did not want to vest myself into anything that would be painful to leave behind. It was hard to leave before… even more heart-wrenching to leave D.C. when I did… and I just don't want to experience that again. I yearn for a more peaceful move next time I leave: one in which I only have to say goodbye to a few people. Besides, the other day, I actually had someone still think I was in D.C. Oh, if only… and maybe soon.
The Spielmaster loves the South and wrote the most amazing post about the South… because most of you can't read her blog because it is protected, I'm stealing her Whitman quote… She wrote:
O magnet-South! O glistening perfumed South! my South!
O quick mettle, rich blood, impulse and love! good and evil! O all dear to me!
—Walt WhitmanThe South. My South. What is it about the southeasterly reaches of this country that puts such an irresistible call on the people who call it home, either by address, or history, or both?
While I can't necessarily say that I feel at home here, it is my home in some regard… It is home, because it is my family. It is home, because it is history. However, it conflicts with the desires of my heart, with the character of my being. It's at battle with my mind, and at war with my fighting spirit. I feel like I can't be who I truly want to be here. But, is it all about location, location, location? Or is it something else that is holding me back?
I feel like a lack of plans continue to hold me back. And, that for the sake of the argument continue to make me feel like I have no time to make good and wise decisions. These decisions can impact the future. Or a lack of decision or poor decision can destroy my future, or make a negative impact on my future. It's such a give or take. And without a plan, or anything kindly resembling a plan, I feel completely lost. I feel like a traveler on the interstate headed north without a destination, with no map, on a highway without signs. Who knows when I'll be able to stop for a rest? Or better yet, to fuel up for the next leg of the trip (that is, if I'll can afford it… haha). I'm in limbo. And in limbo, time feels eternal.
in the summertime
I've been waiting 3 long years for these plants to bloom! They were dug from my grandmother's garden after hurricane season 2005, which brought through wretched tornadic weather and destroyed the garden, and then frost which almost decimated everything. My dear sweet grandmother dug up 4-5 bulbs of the amaryllis and put them in a planter for me, and for 3 years, they have been nothing but green and leafy. But a week ago, a stalk shot up and a day or so ago, three beautiful deep red blooms perked up and have brightened up the porch, as well as giving me a reason to smile on my way out the door..
See what I mean with the green and leafiness? It's definitely full of plantness. This, and my African Violet are the only things that I haven't managed to kill off. Speaking of my African Violet, here it is:
Of course, this is from last year… I haven't gotten a recent picture of it. But, it's much more leafy this year, and it probably needs a bigger planter. I'm scared of developing a black thumb, so I don't want to move anything… I want it to stay as-is…
Maybe if I can get back to my homeland, I can hang more with Sassy and learn to be more of a green thumb.
floating
'Start your ignition. Begin your journey and do not skip ahead.' -'Elizabethtown'
I tend to watch this movie about once a month… It's one of my favorites. It has jewels of wisdom throughout, the soundtrack is amazing, and it has a cameo of Paula Deen, which every Southerner can appreciate. :)
However, lately, I've had so much going on that I've decided that I'm tired of always feeling like I should map out every single solitary thing that comes on my plate. I'm jealous of people that get to float through life. Yeah, yeah, it's part of my personality to be pretty Type A and organized, but come on! For once, I'd like to just walk and let the journey take me… and not the other way around. So, I've decided to do that. Because, really, I don't really want to know the entire ending, I do like surprises… or at least the good ones.
Now, while I'm in the middle of that, I'm finding it's one of the hardest things to do. Of course, it's probably not for the normal floaters. But for those that like to have some control over their environment or schedule, I don't like not knowing what tomorrow may or may not bring… especially when the checkbook gets tight. I have to remember that money doesn't rule the world, though. Times like these make me want to be more like my friend Deb, whose life-long dream is to move to Haiti and rock babies to sleep. No frills, no fuss… just her dream.
In the midst of my traveling on my journey toward finding what I truly want to do, I'm always pulled by so many sides. I have friends and family that want me to stay in one place or another for this reason or that reason. Money ALWAYS comes up, and it's usually cheaper to be in one place over another. Then, there's the issue of safety, distance, blah, blah, blah. But, then there is the age-old advice, also given by my friend Deb: follow your heart.
As I'm trying to follow my heart, the only question in the back of my mind is if my journey will also listen to my heart… my mind and my heart are in sync. Now if the path and the opportunities line up, my ducks will be in a row, and all will be at peace. And, to be perfectly honest, that's all I really want… because to me, floating is equivalent to feeling at peace.
major breather
Well, the semester is over. Finally… Now, I get to stress over several things that came up during the semester that I didn't have time to do.
First of all, work. I had an amazing job working with an historical collections unit on a rotation. Unfortunately, under many circumstances, the top two being money and hours, I needed to move on to another position. I thought that I'd quickly be able to find something part-time around town. Little did I know that the gods were laughing at me… loudly. So, I'm still looking for a job, and for another reason, there's got to be more than just part-time go-along-with-school hours.
The one thing the federal government lending firms never tell you is that if your parents take out a direct loan from the government (no matter how little or how much), your loan is automatically capped. It has remained the same amount for about 15 years (regardless of how much tuition has risen in the last few years alone). Well, I've reached that cap. I'm completely maxed out on any federal direct loans for my education. What bugs me the most about the entire situation is that 1) they never tell you that you have a cap at any point, and 2) they never gave me ANY warning that I was near, and about to lose my money. So, I, just like the rest of the country, have gotten screwed over by the government.
During the semester, I've had so much reading and writing going on that I have completely not cleaned like I should. I've straightened, and cleaned when absolutely necessary, but not like I wanted to clean. Yesterday, I washed my car and cleaned and vacuumed it. Today, I cleaned my bathroom, and rearranged my bookshelf and cleaned up my floor around my couch and put my files together to start filing sometime later this week. I vacuumed the couch and the papasan and the floors, and dusted. It's so clean around here. Of course, my desk is still a mess, and I've got tons of filing to do. I've still got lots of work to do around the house, but I knocked out a bunch today, and I feel so much better. Now if everything else will work out.
So, now, there are only 9 hours remaining on my graduate calendar in order to complete graduate school. If I can find some kind of work around here, I can take a class this summer and make it 6.
What's next? I'm not sure. For the first time ever, I don't really have a plan. What was once planned as a vacation next week now contains a few job interviews amidst my friend time. I'm usually the girl with everything planned out. Unfortunately, everything went out of control, and now I have no clue what to do with it all. We'll see what happens with it all.
top 10 of the moment
Since Sister Sassy (actually her blogger name is Quiet Traveler) asked her readers to present their top 10 favorites of the moment, I'm following in the lead. For several reasons… First, I'm bogged down with school, and while I have a million things in my head I've been dying to write about, I haven't actually gotten the chance to sit down and compose them (What I wouldn't give to have an unpaid assistant. ha!). Secondly, it's about time I actually made a post, since it's been more than a month. A lot has happened since my last post, and I won't go through that now… maybe in a few days when things are a little lighter. But now, my random top 10 things of the moment:
- Chiclets. (QT and I have this bond/tradition over Mexican food and Chiclets for dessert… it's indescribable)
- Waking up without a headache (just go with me here)
- The beauty of a moment without classwork or writing assignments or work, which are very few lately
- The Washington Capitals are in the playoffs!! I love putting on my Caps shirts on game days, even though I can't actually be there in person
- Laughing with my professors about something completely irrelevant to class
- Spending a week at "home" in D.C. in May, getting to see many a friend, especially Sassy
- Flip-flops
- My boyfriend, TiVo (always)
- Sweet tea
- Tom Petty's 'Buried Treasure' show on XM Radio on Thursdays
So there you have it… these few things get me through the insanity of graduate school lately. And it's been pretty insane this semester. I definitely deserve that trip "home" to D.C. just for a vacation from it all…
just a quick question
Can't we all just get along?
Or more fittingly, can't the U.S. just stay out of everyone's business, and take care of our people? Why did we just randomly decide to bomb a terrorist target in Somalia? People, random targeting is NOT helping our cause.
I'm seriously ready for the funds we drop into the military to go to feed the hungry and impoverished people of America and Africa.
This pre-eminent strike crap is just gonna get us in trouble. We are NOT the world's police, nor should we ever be considered as such. I have a theory that those in leadership today never really read their history or government and economics books in high school or college. Instead, they believe they should write their own history. Unobjective history is the worst kind, I promise.
more on global warming
As I stated the other day, the weather here in Alabama is absolutely insane, and it's driving me up the wall. Here's this week's forecast:
Anyone see a problem with this??? By the weekend, we'll be expecting a snow/ice mix. We go from tornado watches to freeze warnings.
How do people really believe that global warming doesn't exist?
weather
Today is January 7… It's the middle of winter. And in Alabama, today's high is 72, with a low of 53.
How in the world can people NOT see that global warming is happening right in front of our faces? How can you ignore stuff like this. Seriously, people. Wake up and feel the heat… in JANUARY!