So, despite having Hootie and the Blowfish's tune rolling through my mind as I'm desperately wishing for more hours in the day, I am trying to figure out how to consolidate the things that I'm currently doing to make time for what I need to be doing. There are must-do items, such as studying, which is sort of required for class… Well, not sort of, it is. I'm just really not motivated right now. I remember feeling like this last summer. There is something about summer that is very ill-motivating about studying and schoolwork. One of the main problems is that my first week of work fell right at the beginning of the semester, which means I'm double-studying. 

I could be a complete recluse. However, I've done that for the past year. Since I returned for graduate school, all I have done is work for graduate school. And the time I spend NOT on graduate school isn't necessarily out and about amidst the city… it's usually spent chatting with out-of-town friends through various mediums of internet or phone. I have intentionally not spent time out and about, because I knew that my time here would most likely be temporary (or to my hope at least). I did not want to vest myself into anything that would be painful to leave behind. It was hard to leave before… even more heart-wrenching to leave D.C. when I did… and I just don't want to experience that again. I yearn for a more peaceful move next time I leave: one in which I only have to say goodbye to a few people. Besides, the other day, I actually had someone still think I was in D.C. Oh, if only… and maybe soon.

The Spielmaster loves the South and wrote the most amazing post about the South… because most of you can't read her blog because it is protected, I'm stealing her Whitman quote… She wrote:  

O magnet-South! O glistening perfumed South! my South!
O quick mettle, rich blood, impulse and love! good and evil! O all dear to me!
—Walt Whitman

The South. My South. What is it about the southeasterly reaches of this country that puts such an irresistible call on the people who call it home, either by address, or history, or both?

While I can't necessarily say that I feel at home here, it is my home in some regard… It is home, because it is my family. It is home, because it is history. However, it conflicts with the desires of my heart, with the character of my being. It's at battle with my mind, and at war with my fighting spirit. I feel like I can't be who I truly want to be here. But, is it all about location, location, location? Or is it something else that is holding me back?

I feel like a lack of plans continue to hold me back. And, that for the sake of the argument continue to make me feel like I have no time to make good and wise decisions. These decisions can impact the future. Or a lack of decision or poor decision can destroy my future, or make a negative impact on my future. It's such a give or take. And without a plan, or anything kindly resembling a plan, I feel completely lost. I feel like a traveler on the interstate headed north without a destination, with no map, on a highway without signs. Who knows when I'll be able to stop for a rest? Or better yet, to fuel up for the next leg of the trip (that is, if I'll can afford it… haha). I'm in limbo. And in limbo, time feels eternal.