home…
so i'm home… and when i say home, i don't mean birmingham. i mean, my house in birmingham.
my flight came in around 11am, and i went to work, only to find out that we were closing at 1pm. and we're staying closed tomorrow. so… i'm home for a day and a half, that i COULD have stayed in washington and gotten some research done instead of having to make an additional research trip. not that i don't want to go back, but it is more fun if i don't have to work. 
while i'm home, i will be reading, getting some work done from home and probably watch a movie or something. ehhh, who am i kidding. i'll so take a nap here in the next hour or so, just because i won't be able to keep my eyes open. if there's anything i know about my trips to d.c. and coming in on a monday morning is that it's too dang early to get up to catch the plane. i have to get up at 5am (that's 4am central) to catch the metro at 5:30am when it opens to get to reagan. i got in just before the boarding call this morning. good thing i had a carry-on. but i'm so tired… i don't like early flights.
the guy next to me on the plane was so nice. he's an miss state grad, and working in memphis. he visits his bro in washington all the time. he gave me a few pointers as far as the cheapish travel… namely: fly into baltimore on southwest and take the $6 marc train to union station to catch the metro. not bad at all… so i'm looking to head back up at the end of september. i figure i'd go ahead and get the big research out of the way. i think i will take monday off next time and stay an extra day up there and fly back on monday night. i believe when i head back up, i'll take a day trip to boston to get the docs i need for my paper. i can do a round trip for less than $90 from there. i figure that would be easier than having to make an additional trip after that.
i like traveling, especially on planes. however, today's landing made me a little queasy. the gusts were already starting in birmingham, and it made the landing the roughest i've ever had to take. i was seriously afraid he wouldn't make it. i've not been that terrified in a long time… needless to say, the landing was at 11am, and my stomach is still strange from the landing. ugh.
ok… i'm going to enjoy my day. tomorrow, we'll see if i have class. but i definitely will have some good stuff to do tomorrow!
nuclear standards
Don’t say that I didn’t say so early on… but this right here could be our beginning reasoning for going to an unnecessary war with iran.
My thoughts? Why does the US require that everyone have no capabilities for nukes, when we’re far beyond capability?
Hi, I’m Emily, and I’m from a country of double standards…
Or maybe a we have the double-edge sword syndrome, which means that before long, retaliation will be a nightmare come true…
Then, there’s Bush’s recess appointment of John Bolton. Seriously, if you have to do it when the Senate is in recess, do you really think it’s right & moral (seeing as how that is the pull of the campaign of ‘04)? It’s like trying to find a loophole in your tax prep. The IRS sooner or later, WILL audit your ass. But, somehow, administrations think they can get away with it. You know, W was pulling up his numbers with the Roberts nomination… I’m thinking the ‘06 midterm elections just might not come into Bush’s favor in congress if he keeps these things up. On the other hand, is it horrible that I think it’s hilarious that Kofi Annan said that Bolton shouldn’t expect a free ride, but that the UN would try to cooperate with his decisions? Yeah, even if it is, I’m still giggling.
Again, I’m Emily, and I’m from a country of double standards…
My country’s executive branch likes to do things behind its legislative branch just to prove who’s got the upper hand…
[By the way, Mr. President, if you didn't know, the legislature will ALWAYS win out in the end. It's a little document we base our country on, called "The Constitution," not sure if you've heard of it...]
wasting my time… in the waiting line
it seems i did a lot of waiting today: metro, tickets, atm, food, metro again, phone calls, etc. and i really only have one or 2 things to show for it.
after a little disappointing start to my day, it definitely got interesting. i think it is good that i have had to be by myself for a little while here in washington. it has helped me realize that it's really ok to not have someone to do stuff all the time. in fact, i've gotten on a little bit of an independence kick. that could be good… but it also has its downfall.
there was a possibility that a d.c. friend was coming to go to the nationals game today. when i talked to him this morning (where the disppointment originated), he couldn't get anyone to cover his rehearsal this afternoon. we chatted for a while (which was a good thing!) and then said we'd make plans the next time i came through (which won't be long), but this weekend was right before school started and he had to get lesson plans really going, and he had 2 shows to play this weekend. busy fellow… but i do believe we're gonna meet up for lunch tomorrow after he gets out of church and then head to the show.
when i got off the phone, i did what i would normally do in a situation like that… i went to the game anyway. i didn't leave the house until 12:30pm, and the game started at 1:20pm. i still hadn't eaten anything… so i caught the metro and headed down to the stadium. i got to the game around 1:30pm, only to find out it was sold out. 
again, i took the chance to take a risk, and walked right up to the scalpers that i passed and checked on tickets. it was a funny ordeal now in the past, but i haggled and even started to walk away, but he gave me a great seat on the outfield first base line.
now… i'm a cards fan. i'm slowly letting go of my yankee tendencies (so i'm a fairweather fan… who isn't in alabama? baseball isn't exactly our forte). today it was the nats and the cards matching up. it was strange to not actually root for any one team. the cards won 6-0. so i took some mourning time for the nats, and then celebrated for the cards. baseball is such a great game. today is the first time i've ever been to a game on my own initiative. the only games i've ever gone to were on youth trips.
after that, i headed back and katie and david were home. katie and i went to go get dinner at mi rancho on the way to a party one of her friends was throwing. but we both opted out of the party and decided to veg out and watch a movie instead. it was nice… i'm exhausted. the walking on friday has made me so tired… and sore like no other.
so while i've been up here, i found out that the hurricane is fierce. katrina is apparently gonna terrify new orleans (they can't pronounce it correctly up here in d.c.). i'm a little more worried now about my flight home on monday. i hope that it doesn't get delayed or cancelled out of memphis. i already worried about it from the perspective of flying northwest (who is on strike, and has horrible on-time factors). but, it was a cheap ticket.
the next time i head up here, the nats will be finishing out their season, and the capitals will be starting up. and, i'm guessing that the redskins are playing around here too. i may just hit up a few games next time. i've got some major research to be doing for my paper in historian's craft. i've got resources at the civil rights institute, but as far as memos, legislation, etc., from the jfk administration, it is all here at the archives, or in boston at the presidential library. so, there may be a chance to head to boston in the name of research! and that can't be a bad thing.
i wanna take just one more glimpse
it's been a long time since i've slept in like i did today, and it was really, really nice. of course, my 10am this weekend is still really only 9am in alabama. but, i'll take it anyday.
it seems like i've been here for days, but like i just got here at the same time. fortunately, i still have today and tomorrow to play and continue to enjoy it here. the only thing i've really missed is my cat… you know, you can't exactly talk to your cat on the phone like you can friends or family. i certainly don't miss the world i dismissed by plane, with the muggy, uneventful and covered-with-wannabe-dale-earnheardt-ish-drivers city. sometimes, driving is overrated.
when i came in on the plane on thursday, the city was amazing. it looked like a huge lite-brite, with twinkling lights. busy freeways loaded with cars looked like flowing streams with cars. it was breath-taking. chalk that up for always wanting to fly into national now. you don't get sites like that at dulles. i haven't flown to bwi yet, so maybe i should wait to see about that first.
the visit to american's campus was fabulous. it seriously made me want to leave as soon as i graduate. but, i don't think that would necessarily work. we'll see how this semester goes… BUT, it would mean no classes until next fall. and i don't know if i could do that or not. i mean, maybe… but, it would be a change of pace. i've told myself that i wanted to stay in school and work on a degree to have a continual schedule of classes until i start grad school. i feel restless, though. so, just tell me one reason i should wait around for something like this.
basically i look at it like this:
yes, i have amazing friends i'd be leaving behind… but i feel there is nothing for me in birmingham. i mean, for a city that is so rich in history, they haven't even been able to cope with grasping it. it's horrible for why our history is what it is, but, IT IS! so, accept it and learn from it. you can change the present and future if you only learn from your mistakes. i think that is what aggravates me most about birmingham. the history is so rich, but no one wants to learn it, because it is shaming. instead, they choose to ignore it, which only leads to committing the same mistakes as before. the end result? other than legally having desegregation off the books, birmingham hasn't really changed much. and that fact is the sad part. there are still areas of town where each race doesn't set foot. take mountain brook… or ensley… blount county… greene county. it makes me sick to hear people say that we have come a long way from the 60s; it's a blatant lie. and i hate that about birmingham. grab your differences, and chunk them out the window, for crying out loud! there's a better goal and purpose for us all, and as long as we continue to stay on our high horse of racial issues, nothing will happen: alabama (as a result of birmingham's leadership) will continue to remain toward the very bottom of the list in education and at the toward the top of the list for most poverty. things seriously have to change in this state… and if birmingham doesn't lead, it has a chance of never changing. i don't know if i can put up with that much longer.
i'll step off my soapbox now.
i went to the archives yesterday and spent the day in the research room. i'm trying to gather some stuff for working on my paper this semester. it was an amazing experience. it was so incredible just to see what i might be doing one day.
i have this drive to do something bigger… better… larger than what i could have ever dreamed of doing. and the longer i stay, the more i feel it… but also, i feel this bigger doubt that i could never do it because of all that might hold me back.
i'm gonna stop complaining. i'll keep my head up, even when i don't feel like it. but, i'm just tired… of feeling like i have nothing to hold onto. maybe something will inspire me in birmingham. because washington sure has inspired me to completely leave everything behind.
a better life…
so. i'm awaiting the chance for the weekend of a better world than i have in birmingham. jealous?
now if i could ever have enough time to actually finish reading for classes, i'd be set.
after all…
So, it’s been like 12 days now. I really haven’t even really noticed it has been that long. I’ve been a little preoccupied with life… and a stressful one to boot.
As of late, though, here are my predictions for soon-to-be history book material:
The Israeli pullout from the Gaza Strip will only anger more people, and a civil war will break out between the entire country, not just Gaza. Sharon will be overthrown, and life as allies with Israel could be the end as we know it.
We will continually push Iran until they unleash nukes. When they do, they’ll buddy up with North Korea and Pakistan, maybe even a sideline show from India just to prove that the US is not all it thinks it is. At this point, it is quite possible that the world may cease to exist, just because of the firepower that is possible.
Russia will become a communist state again. Putin, the evil man that he is (who is incredibly similar to Karl Rove) in all his former KGB glory, has already threated media control by the state. I mean, he did shut down the ABC affiliate… you keep watching. He’s getting closer and closer.
Japan will continue to grow more socialist, possibly toward communism, and will form an even stronger ally with China to push down the dollar so that their currencies can become stronger, and economies will boom. They will benefit obviously, because Americans will need cheaper goods, and who supplies them for us??? Yeah, you know…
Iraq, as I knew it would not, has not finished its Constitution by the deadline. They’ve been given another week, but they won’t be able to get it tackled. They fear too much about federal areas like Kurdistan. They should just let loose and let the Sh’ia’s go. Iraq SHOULD be divided among nationalities. It worked for India, Pakistan and Bangladesh (except for Kashmir, but… that’s another story); it could work for Iraq. Everyone knows it won’t work with all three systems balanced unevenly… it hasn’t yet. They don’t even really understand the concept of democracy yet… the people of Baghdad already formed a coup and overthrew the mayor. It has been and will be a wasted effort in the end. Why? They’ll end up in Civil War. What’s worse? We caused it.
Color me negative… but, the news is outright scaring the crap out of me. And I fear it will just get worse.
deja vu
of all the time for events to be going on around me, i had to have lots of time this weekend.
if you didn't know, ben & tracy threw one heck of a wedding reception, and brett is a fabulous date. i think my favorite part was seeing tracy all decked out in a beautiful gown, with a beer in hand all night long. classic… with winston at the table, my boss, jill and john across the table, and brett and drew next to me, it was a party. it was such a great reception that one of the guys there that kept me rolling in laughter all night (and his wife) got invited to my wedding… of course, that is still to be determined on many factors like, when, where and who. i think the last part is a pretty important piece of that, or so i've been told.
afterwards, drew and his brother played at loco's. it was great to see mr. jim (drew's dad) and his girlfriend, susan there. they're absolutely great! while we were sitting there, a joke was made about getting to really get along with parents, etc, and have similar thoughts with your family. i laugh and kid about my family being so conservative and me on the other end of the spectrum, but sometimes i really wish that i could really be myself around my family, no holds barred, and still be accepted wholly and completely without exception. however, because i'm that lone methodist and i have more (ok, a lot more) leftist views, i'm constantly questioned on every motive. it gets so old… part of me sometimes wants to just go and tell them everything about what i think, believe, feel and see, but i'm just not up for the battle that would ensue. call me chicken… but sometimes it's easier to just leave it unsaid.
i've really been needing to say that out loud, or on the computer screen. anyways…
have you ever had one of those dreams that you know you had to be smiling when you were in the middle of it? i love those dreams. i had one this weekend. when i woke up, for a brief moment i thought it was real. but, after i looked around, i sadly realized it was only a dream.
after church today, it was such a great feeling to know that i no longer had classes to attend for the afternoon. after 8 long weeks of sunday afternoons being consumed by low-grade physics, i decided to completely veg out. so i watched 'little black book' and then 'the notebook.' yeah, i was a sucker for punishment, because i chose the girly movies. here's a fun fact though… i have owned 'the notebook' for a few months now and never watched it, and never saw it in the theatre. but, it was part of a pre-viewed sale at movie gallery, so i got it, because i knew i'd like it. good gracious alive… that movie was beautiful. and terrible to see when i've had the already emotional week that i had. i cried more in that movie than i've cried at a movie before, and it was at the moments where no one probably cried. but, it was incredibly therapeutic.
when i got up from the couch, i shook myself from the surreal mode i had gotten pulled into from the movies (i usually get way too emersed). i remembered that the movies aren't my life, neither is the dream or the restlessness i have been feeling. my life is enhanced by the incredible people that surround me, whether always visible or not. this weekend was one where i got the chance to spend time with so many, and for that i'm thankful. and i'll continue to be thankful, even if that dream never comes true… but, i'm not gonna lie, the dream would make it even better.
i'm not dead…
<lj-cut text="and… they're in.">
<strong>COURSE TITLE GRADE</strong>
THE U.S. SINCE 1877 A
HY AMER FUNDAMENT A
ASTR OF UNIV LAB A
COMPAR POLITIC A
PHYSIC SCIENCE A
THE U.S. TO 1877 A
what does that mean? hmmm… president's list. woohoo. first time, ever. actually, first time for any list since high school. and, they'll probably wonder if something is wrong if they ever looked at my pre-UAB classes, cause they don't exactly look the same. haha. color me a braggart, but that is not my intention. i'm just excited to know that i am capable of it.</lj-cut>
so a lot has gone on since my last post. a lot.
finals weren't too bad, although i wish i had a little more time to study for them. i mean, i did fine, apparently, but still, i feel like i crammed instead of actually knowing it. i had my first final last thursday. then, it was full council at sumatanga from friday to saturday. my grandfather went into the hospital saturday morning… then drew's going away party, church on sunday, a final on sunday, and jenny's welcome back party, then back the regular insanity of work and school. final on monday and tuesday. setting up stuff for contact on wednesday night. by the time thursday got here, i didn't want to do anything, except go home and be lazy… and that's what i did.
things have been kind of crazy regarding my grandfather. he finally went home, but it has been a major stressor point for the fam. we thought he had pneumonia. turns out, he suffered congestive heart failure, with a little pneumonia mixed in. he's better now, but when he is sick, he is a completely different person. yeah, i know everyone isn't happy when they're sick, but he's been in and out of the hospital for years now… he's quickly changing; i think he's getting a bit of dementia. so, that's a pretty good reason to be stressed alone. add that in with other insane things going on, and i was at my limit.
yesterday, i had lunch with franklin and ginny. fun stuff… man, i love rojo, it's got to be my favorite mexican food, except it's not completely mexican. other than getting piping hot bean juice thrown on me when my plate was put down, it was a great lunch. during the conversation, i was trying to figure out what happened to my lj happiness. it seems when i get to busy, it's a venting board instead of a happy place. i'm working on it.
last night was art on the rocks, and it was fabulous! franklin was my date… i got called out in the bathroom by 'the other emily,' saw david on the way out of the bathroom entrances and then got to meet paige. marcus, you were the only one not in the mix, and i was sad.
is it bad that my absolute favorite part was seeing the byzantine art and 'the desert studio' again in the contemporary gallery? man, i love the bma. by the time we gawked at paintings after making what i presume to be the most hideous picture frame i've ever created, it was time to go… by 7:30 there were so many people there.
i've joked that i am totally pimping the formerly known as belkenslagon household this weekend (so is it the falkenslagon house now?). franklin was my date last night and today i'm taking brett as my date to a wedding. i know you're jealous. the wedding will prove to be oodles of fun, with my boss and her preacher hubby (he's officiating and she's a bridesmaid), jill (and maybe john!), winston (with marianna and jamie) and others in attendance. here's to ben and tracy… congrats and good luck!
now i've got some catch-up freelance work to do.
anxieties
I found out last weekend that my cousin is bound for Iraq next week. He’s a marine, and news stories like this don’t help my worries for him, and they definitely increase my opposition in the war.
I haven’t decided where I exactly fall on the Roberts issue yet. I like that he hasn’t given a decision on the abortion issue, but I don’t like the other crap that is given about him. Here’s a good synopsis of what I speak of…
Lastly for today, it continually hacks me off that the executive administration feels a need to fight off Islamist extremists. Seriously, the reason that SOME of them are terrorizing is our own fault from allying with Saudi Arabia to aid them from a possible invasion from Iraq in the 1980s.
So, why are we blaming them again?
Wait, that’s right… we don’t take responsibility for our actions here in the U.S. We think it’s always someone else’s fault…
corporate v. self
today at staff breakfast, we had a fantastic devotion. it was based on the book ‘praying like jesus’ by james mulholland, and discussed the differences of corporate prayer found in the Lord’s prayer versus self-oriented prayers of the ‘prayer of jabez’.
corporate prayer, such as the Lord’s prayer was intended to be prayer for others, but also WITH others… to maintain connection to humanity as well as to God.
there are 4 different areas that prayer covers:
1. it is a corporate prayer asking that God bring his kingdom down to the face of earth, as compared to the old thought that we want to get closer to heaven in death.
2. we corporately ask for daily bread… it’s usually thought that this is for ourselves, but what if its intent was to remind us that we as a body of Christ are responsible for the needs of all of God’s people as well as our own? now, THAT is social justice at the core.
3. forgiveness… yes, we ask for ourselves. but, if we mean it like we think it, we’re asking God to forgive us as we do others. that isn’t very good forgiveness and diminishes the concept. instead, we as a church should practice this type of forgiveness for ourselves and the church, using what God meant by the prayer… in short, WE change how WE forgive to the way that God forgives. it’s beautiful, isn’t it?
4. corporately, the church asks for deliverance from all things that may tempt us or hold us back. yes, it is an individual need to ask for help from temptation, but think of the picture God paints for the body of Christ to be free from temptations such as acquisition (big buildings, etc.) to focus on giving to missions or poverty.
the human forgiveness factor was broken down into 4 areas as well (how we forgive):
-eyedropper: we’re hurting and need temporary relief, so we go to God and ask for help… we lean back and expect it to burn a little, but then we go about our way
-teaspoon: we’re sick and need medicine to help our ailment, and only need it temporarily
-cup: drink as much as you want, but it could be sour if it sits too long and will be empty upon our fill
-cup with 2 straws: again, with the same intent of the cup, but with the thought that we only drink as much as the other [we only forgive as deeply as the other party]
instead, God’s forgiveness is poured from a bottomless bucket. it never goes dry or is based upon actions or reactions from another… completely disaffected by outside sources.
man, what an incredible portrait of what grace and prayer truly is… now imagine that portrait if we all took part. it would be breath-taking…
