simpler times
i was thinking today while i was driving (and occasionally yelling at crazy drivers, but mostly singing along with the new setlist in my car) about what life used to be like in my life.
in my hometown, people were so simple. they didn't need great cars, big houses or crazy clothes to make them feel good. everyone always said hello in passing, and usually waved if you drove by. i remember running around the 5 acres of our first house barefoot with our dog rex. and yes, we even had goats… and a chicken house (it was a small one though, more like a shack). my brother and i would play school, farm, house, you name it. we had so much fun. in june and july, my dad and i would head over to the muscadines (pronounced in southern language: muskeedines) and pull 10 or 15 from the vine and eat them there in the summer heat. my brother and i would ride our bikes over to friends' houses that were 2 miles away and play all day, but be home by dark. we didn't fear anything. and nothing would stand in our way.
i enjoyed my rest times, my quiet moments with parents and friends, and even more the hilarious moments that would create memories so vivid in my mind today. i remember the time i saw a mouse in our kitchen, yelled, and both me and my mother jumped into a chair. luckily, my dad got home about 30 minutes later. we were still in the chair, but we pointed exactly where it went.
i remember large family gatherings where we grilled out and i played with cousins all day long and never got tired. or family get togethers at the lake, where so many memories were made, watching uncles show off their skiing abilities by taking off from sitting on the pier and coasting in all the way to the bank. the boats were so slow, and that is all there was on the lake… boats: fishing or skiing. just boats. and even then, the lake seemed so large and uninhabited. i wouldn't know until about 8 years later that one of my best friends had a cabin there as well, and we would spend countless days at the lake in the summer.
tests were easy. classes were a joke sometimes. we didn't have summer reading or homework during the summer. it was a hard day if we even had homework. everyone thought that they would grow up and just do something out of high school. we didn't even know what college was, or that anything existed out of a 25 mile radius of our town.
pep rallies were the highlight of the week, and football games were the central hot spot on friday nights. you weren't an american if you didn't go. prayer was said before and after every game over the loud speaker, and we thought nothing of it. it was a part of life. we would say the blessing before we went to lunch everyday up until the 7th grade.
it all began with high school to see things change. things turned upside down. prayer became a major issue in schools and during football games. my kindergarten teacher was killed in a horrible auto/bike accident. people became so greedy. homework became massive. no more time for rest. and there, it seemed that it wasn't just there, but seemed it was worldwide. things began to become out of control.
all of a sudden, the KKK and gangs became a large part of the community, and a part that people cringed to see, but lived in fear of standing up to the opposition. no longer did people live freely it seemed, but everyone had someone else with whom they answered. it was almost like our own sense of communism, although it had died out already across europe. it didn't make sense.
no one had their own opinion, everyone said what they were supposed to and left it there. kids were punished for speaking against it. because in our church, it wasn't polite for us to have our own opinions.
in 9th grade, my family changed churches. you could feel the change. it was like a breath of fresh air. we could move about freely and almost speak freely. people went back the simplicity of enjoying life and each other.
upon having this almost all of my life, i decided in the summer between my 10th and 11th grade year to transfer schools. i remained in residence for the school i grew up in, but i commuted to oneonta. and it was one of the greatest decisions i've ever made. we were taught to be conscious of government and speak up with the rights that were given to us, to vote and to have a voice. all of this really did matter.
i'm sure in reading this, you could probably tell me to get a dose of reality or whatever, but that wasn't available. i grew up in hickville… so, all of this is to say that i'm thankful for the decisions that i've made along the way, decisions to change the course of my life, not all of them, but most of them. 
today i went to the art department to talk to ms. pam (the secretary who is oh-so-sweet). as we got into discussions of faith and politics and future, she stopped and said, 'emily, you've changed so much since you first got here.' to me, that was a compliment. i have changed, and it's a great thing.
there is no more of the 'i-don't-have-an-opinion-because-it's-not-nice-to-speak-against-my-family-or-friends'. it sometimes causes conflicts, but it's not something that i want to succumb to. not that i want to go out and start up debates with whomever i see. it's just that i don't want to be modeled after what everyone else says is right, because there's a 50/50 chance it's not. i am my own person and i know what i think, and i am happy with that.
so, it's said that the world will be a horrible place if it were overcome with liberals. i just want to say that it would be a wonderful world if everyone would think for themselves. yeah, that'd be nice.
ok, so that rant is over now. i have 2 finals tomorrow. i've been studying all afternoon. i even opted out of work today to study. i'm a little worried about the western civ final… not as worried on the spanish final. i feel like i know my stuff with spanish. but i just can't remember all the dates and names of all the countries in europe from 1500-present. that's a lot of crap. really. but, in 102, you don't have to write a paper like you do in the 200 levels (american history). so, yeah.
now that i've said all of this, i can't figure out if i'm crazy or if i actually make sense. it's all these dang history dates.
i did buy a book today. it's called 'hegemony or survival: america's quest for global dominance.' i'm sure it'll be a little controversial even for me… but with all of the talk of standardization that i've been in for the last few weeks, i thought it'd be interesting. so, here's to time to actually sit down and read it.
clues
so i found out earlier that there are 2 shows that i'd love to see this month at workplay, but i have no one to go with… pat mcgee band this weekend, aug 14, and will hoge on aug 28. any takers???
work today was a big catch-up time. because i didn't work friday or yesterday, i had files piled up. i only worked on filing things for the year 2003, and i'm still not done. but, hey… no papercuts today!
tomorrow is part one of our spanish final. we have a conversation to do with someone in class. i'm paired up with a guy named paul, who's completely hilarious and throws it into his conversation parts. cool guy.
ok, guys out there (in general)… throw me a clue out here. why do you seem interested, but you don't act on it? especially when we throw the hint that we might be interested back. that's all i want to know… don't just lead gals on. either do something about it or quit being a dork. that's what would happen in a perfect world. so, get a clue… sorry for the generality, but i just needed to get that out. frustration over now.
i also wish that people knew how to drive. i've gotten even worse road rage… and today it happened in a parking lot deck. but her fat caddy was in the middle of the drive. i want to send out memos to everyone… telling them to get a clue.
it seems like i've had a bad day, but that's almost completely the opposite. strange, but true.
however, i have felt hazy today… i'm sure just because of the weather. i didn't want to get up this morning.
tomorrow is the last official day of summer classes. 2 finals on thursday, and i'm done for the summer. fall classes start back on aug 26 for me. so, no travels to ttown for a week and a half. and that makes me happy.
i'm so curious of the mysteries that come in and out of life. why things happen the way they do. why we don't understand half of them, and why we choose to not understand sometimes. hmmm… maybe i've just gotten deeper in my mind than i wanted to go. maybe i don't want to know all of that. just maybe, i don't want a clue. or just maybe i want someone else to figure it out.
i wonder about what life would be like if i had made a few different decisions or not acted upon my gut.
'you and i let's lay down our pasts tonight
you, yes you why won't you see this thing through
what i wouldn't change i think i've gone insane
i don't want you to be over this now, i can't stand the pain anymore
you were the best of love, what was i thinking of, i don't know
you and i, can't understand reasons why
and you, yes you, when did your heart find a new
i guess i could have changed or should i have stayed the same?'
it makes me think even more. i think i want to stop this thinking for a while. i mean, everything happens for a reason right? could something in the past repeat in some sort of form or fashion? i find myself hoping for that… not sure if it's what i want and need or just something that is comfortable. is it truth? or is it fake? i need that clue. i need something to clue me in. i want to know. i need to know. i just can't keep wondering.
rulers and pencils
i've had a lot on my mind today. i don't know if i want it out in the open yet, because i'm still trying to figure it out. but, that's all cool.
today was school, of course. i am pleased with the results of my tests/quizzes from last week. i made a 100 on my western civ quiz, and a 94 on my spanish test. i really want great grades on my finals this thursday. i've luckily been able to take them both on the same day to avoid another commute down to ttown for a week or so. yay.
not that i don't love tuscaloosa… i do. it's dear to my heart, and a home for 3.5 years. but, the commute, along with the gas, it's killer. i'm so thankful for tuesday/thursday classes. they're a lifesaver… and more thrifty to my gas tank.
so today i've been political in mindset, especially after my long debates (on the same side) on saturday about politics. i was so excited to hear of another person on the same side… i guess power in numbers, not sure. but, it was nice to hear another person speaking intelligently about politics… not that i tend to do that on most occasions, but sometimes i might surprise you. anyways, it was nice to see the similarities. it was very nice.
politics in music is intriguing. i've recently purchased a new cd from will hoge, and it's an entire political EP. great, creative stuff. i heard their stuff on beaner & ken a while back. but, now i've just now allowed iTunes to take care of it.
139 meeting today. we got so much accomplished. i'm super pumped about the weekend. i can't wait. it should be killer. we're expecting lots!
afterwards, holli and i went to dinner at loco's. i love going to dinner with her. she's so much fun! ha ha… yeah, when she's not reading, maybe i'll change my mind. haha. just kidding. anyways, our waiter was completely hilarious. good times. you have to love it when the servers are paying attention, and play along. it just makes the experience so much more fun.
we felt really bad for our server though. word got eventually down to him telling us that as of wednesday he didn't have a residence. apparently, uab messed it up. and he's not even from here. sad stuff. he seemed to have a great attitude otherwise though! so, that's good i guess.
so, now here i am. i should be studying, but i've decided to put it off to tomorrow morning. i'll let myself wake up early. i'd rather do that than tonight anyways, i have brain overload.
i'd just like to state that i've fallen in love with the song 'beautiful ways' by the pat mcgee band. just thought that you should know that.
anyways…
'the times they are a-changin'… didn't you know? around here they are, and though it's a lot to take in, it's exciting to see what is happening in my life and in the world around me. if only i could have my degree quicker, it'd be amazing. yet, that's not the case yet. ha ha. but, i'm enjoying the time where i'm getting to pursue it though. it looks like it will be a fun ride.
so franklin said the other day in another lj's comment that it's good to tie in the title and writing. tonight, i was blank, so i wrote down the first thing i saw. booyah franklin.
i'm off to bed. lotsa love… g'night.
a home away from my home
well, it's official. i'm now a member of trinity. i'm so excited… so many opportunities to join into. i feel so at home there. it's like a big family… it fits. it's nice. now, i just have to narrow down a sunday school class… i'm in the process, but it will take a while, i know.
when i got home and started lunch, i felt an overwhelming sickness over me. i didn't feel good, so i went to bed. i set my alarm for 5:15 so i could go to the taize service… but the weekend loss of sleep was too much, and i decided to sleep until 6:15.
i always hate it when you take super long naps, and you still feel SOOOO tired later on. i really feel like i could climb in the bed and go to sleep any moment. but first, i have to do spanish homework.
this has been an incredible weekend. one of finding my place in so many aspects… feeling out the world surrounding me now. it's totally different than it was even 3 months ago. i'm getting used to it, but loving every moment that i have with it. this weekend has been so comfortable to me. it's amazing. i have loved it. from full council, to visits with friends, to church. i hope that this becomes an even more familiar part of my routine.
i think one of the reasons that i loved it is because i could really be myself. no pretenses, no facades… just me. it was nice. camp is always that way with me. i feel so much love and community there… it's a home away from home. and i love that… no matter when or where, that community has always shone through. i can't always put it to words how much i appreciate and love it. but, in our big events committee meeting, we went down to the old pool. while we were down there getting to know each other, we talked about why we love coym and what it means to us. winston mentioned something that mary cat's dad once said… that he left camp for a while because he thought that it was so fake and phony… that there was no way that it could be like that in the real world. he said after a while being away, he realized that camp was incredible because it was real, it was ideal… it was the way we were meant to be. that really resonated with me. it's so true. the community is unmatched.
home is also being with friends, who though you may not spend enough time with because of crazy schedules, they know you better than you know yourself sometimes. they call you out, they ask the questions that need to be answered, they won't take made up answers. saturday evening was a time of that… for the what seemed so little time, i felt my soul exposed. at first i didn't want it to be out in the open. but it became such an incredible feeling of comfortable. i talked about things that i haven't talked about much, things that i internalize. the conversation was phenomenal. i felt so alive, so free, and not alone. as we sat on the tailgate of the tahoe and looked at the stars (and the occasional cop car wondering i'm sure what we were doing sitting in a church parking lot that late), i had no limitations. i talked about everything. and i could have had that moment last forever, but it was interrupted… however, it opened up lines of communication that have been closed for a while. i thank God for friends like that who make you feel at home, even when it's an hour away from where you lay your head.
finding a church where you truly feel yourself is a wonderful discovery. i'm so thrilled to be a part of something that is moving, that is changing, that is affecting the world around it. my opportunities right now seem endless. but, what is more, i'm excited about being somewhere that i can grow, and fill my soul with more than i've ever imagined… hearing from others what i might not can gather on my own. a fellowship of believers… a huge melting pot of so many differences, coming together under one banner. it's the first time in a long time that i have been so excited about BEING a part of the church, and not just working in it.
i'm exhausted from this weekend, physically, mentally, emotionally… but i have so much strength spiritually right now. i feel like i've grown leaps and bounds from this weekend alone with the experiences and freedoms that i have found.
God creates those homes… i'll be looking for them even more now than ever.
i have an addiction
i'm totally addicted to lj i believe. it comes out in conversation, and i just got home… it's around 1:15, and i'm wiped out. but, i feel the need to update. maybe it the ocd-ish tendencies. nevertheless, i don't care.
yesterday at school was kind of crazy. we had a quiz in western civ. and a test in spanish. i'm not sure how i did on the spanish test. i'm a little nervous about it. i really want to pull out an A in that class. yeah, i know, i'm a nerd.
after school, i came home, grabbed the tahoe and packed up and went to camp for full council!
full council was great… everything i thought it would be and more. it's amazing to see how it works. fabulous. i feel like all of the committees will be doing great stuff this year. i am on the controversial one of the moment… ha ha. but, seriously, despite the one thing, big events is rockin' it… no lie. it's fabo.
there was also interspersed interesting moments… 2 of which BOTH include mice. yuck. at least i know that beth (i know you're reading… ha ha) is equally if not more afraid of them. so, they were good laughs. as one decided to hang out amidst mine and holli's room, we bolted and headed to another room, in which we got the top bunks… there's a reason that i don't sleep on top bunks… getting up and down. it was a lot for this chick. ugh.
it was great social time after friday nights meetings. good times, lots of laughter, healing for the soul.
saturday was full of great things… lots of great community time with big events, and they are absolutely super. i'm so excited about the plans that the youth are coming up with… they're brilliant you know? and funny… geez… we laughed all of the time!
after full council, i headed up to teal's house to deliver her dining room table. got to hang out with her and patty a few minutes, and then i headed to another destination just south of guntersville.
i went to visit an old friend, in which i became and idiot and got mad, and stopped talking to him… which in all actuality was stupid. i spent a great deal of tonight apologizing for it. i spent what… 5 months upset about it, and lost so much great time to hang out and chat and better our friendship. but, i bailed for a while. and the reason i was mad is so petty. so petty. i'm a dork.
it's an amazing thing to be able to talk without much pause, but with so much excitement and enthusiasm for hours. i feel so alive after having to think like that. wow. we talked about everything from relationships to politics to theology to ourselves. when i was about to leave around 9 or so, we started talking, and just kept talking… we were in the best conversation when my phone rang. talk about a convo killer. at that point, it pretty much ended the night, because it was like it broke the chain. i left around 11:30. next time, the phone goes on silent. ha ha.
i'm so thankful for the boldness to swallow my pride (which is hard sometimes) and say i'm sorry. but, the thing i think i am most thankful for is the way he responded… just as christ would. maybe that's one of the reasons it was such a fabulous night… i never felt like he was upset about it. we reverted back to what we were before the chaos. it was beautiful. and so were the stars as we sat on the tailgate of the tahoe and talked about everything in our mind.
i'm excited that this is just half of the weekend. woohoo. who knows what may come about tomorrow. i'm sure it will hold good things. i'm exhausted, so i'm gone to bed. lotsa love… g'night.
exhausting moments
today is one of those days where i've thought so hard about things that i'm mentally exhausted.
tomorrow i have a western civ quiz and a spanish test. i spent tonight working on both. of course, i worked on the spanish more.
i'm watching a show on telemundo called 'laura.' it's the equivalent to jerry springer… crazy stuff. it's amazing how it's just like it. and now, i just changed the channel to univision. i'd rather watch it… it tends to be the better channel of the two.
i've had conversations tonight in spanish like crazy. my mind is speaking in spanish right now. in fact, i've had to backspace a few times because i start typing in spanish. weird huh?
there's nothing really to report… except that it's closer to the weekend! and that is a great thing… full council, visits… it's good stuff.
you know what, i need to pack. hmmm…. i should have already done that while i was chatting with spanish speakers.
espero que mi vida me llegue a muchos lugares interesantes. quiero ir a la espana. pero porque dinero es poco yo no poderé ir a estudiar a la universidad de alcala.
now another talk show has come on… i think that i have to change it again. i can't take all of this. ugh. talk shows like this suck. they are talking about people that are engaged to be married but found out their boyfriend/girlfriend was gay. crazy. it's just like watching shows here in america… which is why i changed it… i want to see cultural shows to learn more about it.
hugh grant in mickey blue eyes is hilarious. forgettaboudit.
ok. wish me luck on the tests… on the weekend… and on the gas money that i have to come up with to do all of this. ha ha.
under construction
you know what i love about friends? well, a lot… but there's one thing that i value more than most… completely and total honesty.
it takes that honesty to encourage us sometimes… or to turn us from our path. at the same time, it's that seeming brutality that makes us realize that our friend has our best thought in mind. today, i had that. and it was a wonderful thing.
there are lots of things that i have to do. and i'm glad to have someone along the path that can help me see when i might be falling or straying. that is a good thing in life. they are too few and far between. so, friend out there… you know who you are. you're the best medicine i could have ever had. i feel like i have such a wise sister. thank you so much… for all of who you are and what you do for this world.
with that said, my outlook is more positive than ever. i'm glad to be where i am right now, only progressing forward. i'm excited for what may come. i'm scared of what i may have to concede to… but it will all be for the best. not just for me, but for others.
i've decided to make a list for myself as encouragement to stick to this (under advisement of my friend). especially because it may get tiresome if there aren't dramatic effects, but if there are dramatic and quick effects in this particular journey i have to take, then it won't stick.
it's a great thing today. i'm very glad.
today is a good day on many factors. wanna hear them? ok, fine… i'll share.
i met up with adam this morning. he's just such a nice guy. and i still can't get over how tall he is… 6'9"… i actually feel short. and it's a great thing. i love feeling short. it's not everyday that i get to feel that way. so, yay for shortness. anyways, i did my spanish homework that i posted last night. and i showed it to him. he said that it was great and that i didn't need to fix anything. at this point, i'm ecstatic because i may finally be putting the pieces together.
it's great to have a clue.
the money situation may be turning it's ugly head around quicker than i thought. though, it's not as quick as i would like. i'll be getting a check for design work, from work at the law firm, and 2 other checks that i wasn't expecting.
it's great to feel more secure.
i finished my homework tonight for spanish… i usually put it off. i don't understand that whole concept, but oh well. anyways, i feel like i have more time now at night, even though now i don't get home until 6:30 now. but, i finished almost everything that i needed to tonight. i have 2 more things that i need to do, but they, unlike homework, don't have next-day deadlines.
it's great to be able to kick back when you're done.
today wasn't a phone day. and i'm kind of glad. i mean, i did have a few calls to make and receive, but for the whole, it didn't ring much. i enjoyed my walks and drives today.
it's great to spend my time noticing things around me.
side note: bebo norman is so cool. no lie.
this weekend will be great fun. full council on friday and saturday, then visits with a friend or two on saturday evening, and church on sunday. this weekend has flown by. it's so fast.
it's great to be excited about things to come.
school ends next week for summer classes. i'll be sad, because i have to say goodbye to dr. taylor, but i feel like i've learned so much in a little time. i feel exhausted from this intensity of summer classes. i have a week and a half off before i start back.
it's great to rest.
so, those are a few things that are great over here. just a few mind you. i could throw out so much more, but i'm tired…
and it's great to crawl into a warm bed and sleep.
spanish undertones
i just got off the phone with adam. we're planning to meet up in the morning. he's gonna listen to my conversation stuff that i've set out. yep, i'm talking about jimmy carter. why? i'm not sure. but, i do know that he's a pretty awesome democrat. not sure how i feel about all the others, but i like jimmy carter. anyways, hope that tomorrow works out. i'll be so sad if it doesn't. ugh. the worst thing is that i woke adam up tonight. i felt SOOOOO bad. i hate doing that to people… especially because i know how much i hate that being done to me.
'i can't spend another 10 years wishing you would anyway.'
today has been any normal day, but just with more paper cuts and ripped up cuticles.
i have a bad habit now for running late. i don't like that. it's not very… um… good. yep, word just left me. so i ran late, and missed like 5 minutes of the beginning of world war one today. but, interesting war. this is the absolute first time i'm actually interested in history. go figure. i guess i'm just bored with hearing american history, because i feel like i know it. at least i have some variation, learning about western & eastern europe and all.
class today. we added yet another tense of verbs. i'm sure that holli is so excited to hear this. ha ha. so now i've got massive confusion going on in the brain. i can't take it. but, i'm loving the spanish. it's still wonderful.
i asked dr. taylor today how i was doing. he said that i was doing very well, especially since i have never taken spanish before, like most of our class. he then told me to try to opt into his honors 202 class in the spring… his honors 201 class is full. man, i felt too cool then. yahoo. i could be learning with the honors… but, just spanish please.
sweet tea is one of God's gifts to earth. no lie.
today on my commute, i saw the funniest thing. there's construction going on on 59, right. well, on my way past it, i looked over, and there's a man driving a steam roller jamming out to headphones. and i mean jamming out. he is dancing and swaying his head. it definitely made me smile.
today was 'emily is on the phone 24/7' day. i was on the phone over half of my commute this morning, and my entire commute from school to work, and then from work to home. it was insane. i don't think i've ever talked on the phone that much. then i've had 4 other calls this evening, and i'm waiting on one that was supposed to happen at 9 p.m. but, time flies when other people are having fun, right? ha ha.
'if you get unhappy, you got to show me a sign…'
i just want to make people smile and be happy. that's my goal in life. i'm taking the route of the US constitution… 'the pursuit of happiness.' that's what i want… but not for myself as much as for others. i just don't want to be selfish and all. i like to spread the love instead of just taking it. of course, it's nice to get it back every once in a while… that's all i ask.
so back to jimmy carter… wanna hear what i'm saying? ok, if not, oh well… but, read along! of course, it's in spanish:
me gustarÃa modelar mi vida después presidente pasado jimmy carter. hice muchos ejemplos buenos mientras él estaba en el oficio. ganó lost corazones de muchos gentes porque de sus esfuerzos por paz de mundo. en 2002, recibÃo el premio nóbel de la paz. carter es un activista de los derechos humanos. mientras él estaba en oficio, pedrÃa los derechos de las gentes que vivir en paises desunafortudas, por ejemplo, rusia y sudan. estes esfuerzos los enojan muchas paises. carter también ayudó habitat for humanity. habitat for humanity es un caridad que ayuda gentes con necesidades. normamente la organización crea las casas nuevas por gente sin un casa. también habitat hace condiciones mejor por la casa.
wahoo… all spanish, some of the time. let's just hope that it's right. i guess adam can let me know in the morning.
when talking to dr. taylor today about conversation, he said that most are afraid to communicate verbally because of intimidation. i wanted to join the club. i'm totally afraid to mess up. i guess it's silly. but, i don't want to offend anyone with my stupidity. so, i'm praying that the conversation key will click soon. because i'd love to speak it more.
ok… it's been more than an hour since i was supposed to get a phone call. now i'm aggravated. ugh. maybe i'll go to bed. maybe not. ha ha.
tonight the cable was out… that meant no internet OR no sex in the city tonight on tbs. i'm becoming totally addicted to that show. and i don't really know why. maybe it's just good television. i really wish that i had hbo though, because i've heard that their new show 'entourage' is fabulous. guess i'll never know. 
i think now i'm just spitting whatever comes to mind out of my mouth.
'can't think of anything to do, my left brain knows all love is fleeting.'
i want to know what love is all about. i've been on earth 24 years, and i don't think i know much about it. i just don't want to know one certain kind. i want to know it all. i want to know how to love so much that i'm the most vulnerable on the planet. i want to feel that. i want to love a friend so much that i would lay down my life. i want to know the perfect love that only comes from the one who was perfect. love… i want to know. but, i'm scared… what if i get let down? is it worth it? maybe someday i'll know.
ok, now i'm tired of typing. maybe i'll go to bed. or maybe not. lotsa love lj'ers… you make life so much more interesting. g'night.
broken tags
today has been any normal day.
except for a few things:
1. i had to dress up to go to school today. i don't like this. i'm a t-shirt/jeans kinda gal. dress pants and dress shirts don't get along with me very well.
2. i had work after school. it was nice to be working and not wasting my life (and money too) just sitting at home. i felt more motivated today.
3. i had caffeine for lunch. it turned into a headache, considering that i've tried to nix it completely. yeah, not cool.
4. i have a broken tag. my front tag is broken, and i'm sad. it's hanging crooked. i don't want to take it off though, that requires trying to find a screwdriver. so, for now, i guess it will hang until i get motivated.
5. i heard brett's brother this morning on the radio. it was strange. very.
6. i did a 2 1/2 hour design job tonight. moolah's coming… hopefully.
7. i was SUPPOSED to hear from adam tonight… but i haven't. go figure. i'm almost tired of chances now. ugh.
8. i talked to amy c today… apparently i helped in the conversation. these many years of school have finally paid off! wahoo.
i always like to think of myself as a nice person. i am TRYING to give chances, regardless of what i believe should happen. this whole conversation partner thing is about to stretch me as much as i can go. and i don't like to be stretched. it leaves stretch marks. those can never be pretty.
i still have a headache from earlier. maybe it will go away tonight. i'm not getting up early in the morning… i'm supposed to, but i'm not. if adam didn't call, then i'm not making myself get up early. i like to sleep in anyways.
so tomorrow i have to dress up again. yuck. but, i really like the work that i have. not that it's the most glamourous job around, but at least it keeps me busy. and that is a plus. of course, my fingers are crazy and i have paper cuts like nobody's business. yay for file clerks.
i feel like i accomplished a lot tonight in a small amount of time. since 7 p.m., i've eaten dinner, watched t.v./spent time with my bro for around 30 mins, cleaned off my desk, done spanish homework, and a design job. now i'm posting way late for me… i'll never be able to get up in the morning… i'd so miss western civ class tomorrow if we weren't going through WWI. i hear that was pretty important whatever it is. ha ha.
i think i should get extra points for not missing class. i think i'm the only one in BOTH of my classes to not miss a day. i want a perfect attendance award for summer 2. i've been a good student… or at least i'd like to think so.
ok, enough about me. what's going on in your world?
leave me some thoughts… for now, i'm tired, and i need to go to bed. lotsa love… g'night.
postage
so you should know. i only entitled this because i'm on an -age kick. and i thought it was funny. postage: 1. a requirement for mailing a letter., 2. wonderful words from emily.
i choose the latter.
besides, stamps are outrageous…
today has been fulfilling. church this morning… it started out with coffee with the pastors (a Q&A with them about the church), and then a tour. it was nice. on the tour, i saw some of my favorite sh2 people… first i saw jay hartley. and then i saw the 2 smallest hartleys: virginia and sarah alice. as i was leaving them, i saw caitlin! it was definitely a hartley day. and it was wonderful.
by the way, if you haven't seen caitlin's new 'do, it's a must see. it's just wonderful.
as i went to church service, i saw none other than matt wurtele. today was surely a good day. of course, he's not a sh2 fella… but i got love for him anyways. besides, he's one of the first COYM youth i'd ever met. great kid. and boy, he can play the bass. i'm sure that he's even more multi-talented, but i'll have to save that for another day.
i came home and watched 2 movies. and they weren't anything to write home about. so, i'll leave it there.
i went to church tonight again at trinity. they had a taize worship service, and are holding them every sunday night in august. good stuff. i walked away feeling so at peace… the tranquility was just what i needed. i think i'll be hitting it up again. it was nice.
my initial reaction about trinity is just to join. but, i'm taking my time. i don't want to rush it. i'm visiting another church this sunday that's closer to where i live. but, i just don't know that it'll measure up to trinity. it's so exciting to think of all of the possibilities of going to church there. mmmm… maybe i'll know soon.
caitlin and i had a discussion last night about different worship services. first, i wish that you could have been in the convo to hear her say what she did. she was talking about her preferences in worship… and all of a sudden, she said, "color me quaker, but…" i could have died. that was the funniest thing i think i've ever heard her say. yeah, so maybe you had to be there.
that conversation got me to thinking. this morning in church, they kept clapping on almost every song. i am just not as much of a clapper as i used to be. it almost made me feel bad because i didn't want to clap. worship doesn't REQUIRE clapping. and i didn't feel led to clap. i just want to write a memo to all pastors that says to not tell the congregation 'it's ok to clap… in fact you should.' some people just don't. i'm now one of those. the sermon was good though. i always learn something from the mary & martha story. i long to be like mary. but, so often i turn into martha. you know God, i need help with that. but, i think you knew that already. but, now i'm asking, not just telling. help me please.
it's amazing to me to see how i've changed over the course of a year. now i find myself so engulfed in traditional worship. i love it. it is so rich. not that i don't like contemporary worship… i like it a lot. i just don't like to feel pressured in it. ok, that's all i'm gonna say about that.
i just heard from my conversation partner. he hasn't read the email i sent back to him. but, i told him he should, because i was nice. he laughed… i told him i felt bad that he thought i was an angry psycho. anyways, he's had a long day, so we postponed it until tuesday. so, tomorrow i get a free 30 mins to sleep in. rock on. i have to go to school dressed up for the next week and a half. bummer. but i start my new job tomorrow. yippee!
still working at trying to get money together to pay tuition. it could be an ugly picture before too long if i don't have it… not only that, i won't have my dream schedule that i have now for the fall, they'll drop it. i need to have something. i need to sell things. maybe i could sell some internal organs. which ones aren't vital? and anyone know how much i sell them for on the black market?
just curious. off to study spanish and then to bed. lotsa love… g'night.
