dancing around in circles
you know those moods… those days when you have had so many great events, that you just dance around the room… just like mel gibson in "what women want." my choice has been harry connick, jr. tonight to do the same. it's been a pretty grand day.
and for no huge reason. just a few small ones.
reason 1:
morning surprises. i had breakfast at city cafe. in the morning, there is so much calm to experience. it isn't rushed. and it's quite nice to be alone. that way, you can enjoy even more then winks and grins of the ladies as they walk by your table over and over. the wonder of city cafe still amazes this 24 year old. i just can't ever get over the feeling that you get when you go there. it's impossible for me to leave in a bad mood. completely impossible.
reason 2:
quiet & laid back time today. yes, except i was afraid to lay down on the couches in starbucks in the ferg for the fear that i'd have slept for quite some time. so, i just chose to hang out and watch. i did a little homework, but mostly watched. people amaze me… the way they interact always surprises me. it's so cool to think that God has programmed us to have so many different emotions. and sometimes all at once. man, it made me think that when God made us, he was really showing off his mad skills.
reason 3:
unexpected things. chip cruncher didn't come in early enough to sit behind me! that was a blessing in itself. you have no idea. and dr. taylor made a ton of jokes today in class. he's usually pretty straight collared, but today, he let it out a bit… but he's still stinky.
reason 4:
phone calls. during my break in spanish, my phone rang. yes, it was the lady from student employment. and yes, i have a job! i start next tuesday. i went and talked to her. it made me very excited to think that i'll have some sort of additional funding for school… especially for commutes! ha ha. as far as dialed calls, i called holli mack today and talked to her! yay! i love my PIC. she's incredible. it's so funny to hear what we're like on the phone, because it seems like we haven't seen each other in years. and it feels like that too. boo. anyways, i've got a surprise for her this week, and can't wait to take it to her!
reason 5:
later phone calls. so t-mobile called me today, because i forgot to pay my bill before i went to camp. oooops. but, that's the bad part. for once, i had someone to talk to there who went out of their way to find out what it was i needed to know. and what was the biggest question i had? about cell minutes. apparently, since the cell is now pretty much the only phone i use now (and the only one that i'm called on), i use more minutes. and i've gone over for the past 2 months. so, now i have 3000 minutes instead of 600, and i'm only paying $8 more than before. ahhh, the wonder of specials. and lots more talk time.
reason 6:
email. when i got home, i got fun email! that's always great to see email other than the coym boards email. yay for people who email me for a reason… to make my day better! the other is one of my spanish major-mates sent me an email to partner up for conversation. he's in a 300 level class, and i'm a lowly beginner. but, i'm excited about it! related to email, i got an IM from reagan today too. she's one of the daughters of a fam back in alex city. she's incredible, and i'm so glad that she's all up in b.b. comer with me! yahoo! i also got an IM from winston with a link to a little slice of heaven (it was a dual 30 in. cinema display with a big fat g5 hooked to it). it was like an encounter with an angel. wow.
reason 7:
people who have the hookup. yeah, it's not like that. anyways, i had a message via IM from ben. and he wasn't around, so i called him. anyways, he saw a link that i would've died over! it was a spanish language learning situation sponsored by UMVIM. i was so happy. what is the point of this? well 2 things: it makes me happy to think that people see ways that can make others happy, and they make a point to bring it to the other's attention. second, when you know people who know people, it makes the world a better place. yay.
reason 8:
jim 'n nicks. i love that place. it's so good. i was so hungry too, because i didn't have lunch. why? well, i was too busy watching and too poor to eat. ha ha. i went to jim 'n nicks with the folks… got me a pig in the garden salad, and almost choked on a bone. fun, eh? yah, not the bone part.
reason 9:
visitors. my bro dropped in tonight. i love hanging out with him. he's the greatest. my sis-in-law is working, so he came by to hang out. we chatted for a while, and then he headed down to my dad's office to talk to him.
reason 10:
light showers. it's so great to walk outside when it's barely drizzling. and the ground is wet. and you're barefoot. lovely. it's so freeing. i love it.
reason 11:
sleep. i was gonna take a nap today when i got home, but i didn't. so, i'm going to bed in about 30 minutes, because i'm tired. yes, it will be 9 pm, but i really don't care. i really need some sleep.
so there they are. the reasons that i'm happy today. and dancing around. i think i want to hear buttercup now. and, i hope that good times will keep-a coming. just to state… this post was a whole lot freakin' longer than i expected in the beginning. but now after reading, i'm thinking of so many other good things that have happened! yay. good day. a good day to dance.
welcome back
my brother and sister-in-law came in tonight and visited. my brother has a killer sunburn from the honeymoon. i'm just making fun of him… he didn't put any sunscreen on his back, and was outside on the beach all day snorkeling. why shouldn't i laugh? he should know better… but, they brought me back this really cool handmade guatemalan purse, which they bought in mexico. i really enjoyed the stories about them having lots of confusion with english and spanish… they were interesting.
anyways, i have to tell of the annoyance of the year. there's this girl that half comes to spanish. she's hardly there, and i have no idea how she keeps up. well, here's the annoyance. she sits right behind me. yeah, that's not annoying, but here is what is: she opens a bag of chips and crunches on the exactly 15 minutes into the class. and that's all she does for 30 minutes. i hear bags and crunching. AHHHHHH! it's enough to make me crazy. after our 5 minute break around 1 pm, she then comes in with a candy bar, and then all you hear is that and the wrapper. geez… i'm about ready to poke out my eyeballs. i pray that everyday one of my classmates jessica will beat her to the seat (which is who originally started sitting there at the beginning of the semester), instead of chip cruncher. i just get so aggravated with people who while wasting their time are disrupting mine.
so today, i went by the student employment desk to find out if there were any on-campus jobs available anytime soon. while i was talking with the lady, she began to inquire about what kind of hours i'd like. turns out she might want to hire me to work the student employment desk. she's gonna call me tomorrow and let me know what her supervisor says. i hope and pray it will work out, because that'd be tight… working AT school. it's like getting 2 for the price of one.
i got my financial aid proposal today in the mail. i'm a little short with loans. i may have to take out another one, especially if i want to study in spain next summer. i talked with the family, and they're super supportive. if i do that, it may increase the chance of graduating by fall 2005, which is SUPER! the sooner, the better… and seriously, i mean that. that means, that my term of college barely went over 6 years. that will be nice. very nice. well, nice in terms that i took 2 years off to work.
so i hope that the lady from student employment calls me tomorrow and i hear good news.
i'm seriously thinking about moving back to ttown for the fall and spring. although tomorrow i'm going to ask about SP205 which is living in the spanish house for fall and spring. you can take it for more than 1 semester. it gives you an hour of instructional credit. that'd be tight… that way, i don't really have to pay to live somewhere, because i'm already doing it with tuition. i have another idea up my sleeve, but i've got to check into before i let it out of my head. i just don't want to keep commuting for 5 days monday through friday if the work thing works out.
i still don't think i've gotten over my camp hangover yet. i've had a headache for 2 days. not good. and i'm so tired. still. i wish that i could get rested up. you'd think that i would have on sunday with my marathon nap.
i'm REALLY diggin' mary cat's song that she sang at camp. she blows me away. i love that chick.
more than that, i love all the people that i got to see at camp. i was so excited to meet so many people that i did: laura eanes, deb welsh, winston baccus, cal horton, holland davis, melody rogers, amy cochran, rhonda leggio, eli riddle, and all the other boarders! yahoo! my cabin was awesome. my d-group was funny. and my interest group, well, they were rockin' in a prayerful way. i walked away with so much, and felt like i brought only myself, which is probably good, because God definitely spoke this week while i was there. it was nice to get away, to reflect, and to see how i've been an idiot lately.
anyways, so i've been doing a lot of thinking about my situations and all with stuff that i wonder about and wish upon. it's insane. not that i'll put some of that up for people to see, i'm not THAT open. ha ha. anyways, i feel free. i am excited about what these realizations may bring though. it has to be something great on the horizon.
other goods: emily deloach is rockin' the 'ham this week, fourth of july weekend is almost here, my bro is home ready to hang out, more sleep (but still more on the look out), spanish conversation partners, a hopeful job, one day studying in spain. that's good enough for now i think. 
i'm definitely going to bed.
¡estoy hablando en español!
¡Hóla! ¿Cómo está? ¡Estoy excelente!
Tuve mi examen de viernes. Tuve los setenta nueve. (by the way, i don't know past tenses yet)
Estoy feliz con mi examen. Yo quiero la mejor nota.
Y sÃ, estoy cansada de hablando en español por ahora. (and i don't care if that's not right)
OK… that's enough for now. i've done all i can for now. i'm too tired to think. i'm still tired from this past week. like i said earlier, i got my test back from spanish, and i didn't do as bad as i thought. i thought that i was gonna bomb it big time. but, i made a 79. i was 1/4 of a point from having a B. booo…. anyways, i'm glad to have not bombed too badly.
now i do have to work my butt off to catch up on my spanish. i'm not too worried about my math though. as long as i pull off a C, i don't care. it's for core curriculum. i'm checking into alabama in spain for next summer. i really really want to study overseas. i think that would be so awesome. but at the same time, i'm scared to death, because i think that i'll fall in love with it and never want to come back. oh well, i don't want to think about it until it gets here. i still have to save up for it. it's expensive!
anyways, other than that, i really need to get some way to make some money right now. my aid money hasn't come in and won't come in until jul 9… but i'm not sure it will be that much. anyways… i'll be commuting in the second half just for one class. but that might be nice… i won't have to get up quite so early… and i'll be able to work some maybe. that might be good. i just need to find a job for that.
i'm bored out of my mind… so i'm gonna head out for the night. maybe i'll be less boring soon.
strangest day…
today has been a very strange day… could it be the remnants of a week of exhaustion that i ignored? or perhaps the emotional pieces of 2 weddings? or even the tearing of my heartstrings as i had to say another temporary goodbye to some of my nearest & dearest friends? most likely, it's a combination of all of them.
i was so tired last night when i got home, that when my head hit the pillow, i don't remember anything until my alarm went off this morning. i really don't think i even moved all night. i got up, and i felt like i had been hit by a bus… i didn't want to do ANYTHING. i wanted to lay back down a sleep for a few more days. but, i didn't… i told myself that i should go to church.
so, i got up and went… trying to think the best out of the situation. on my way down, i felt like i was gonna throw up, and almost did, but passed it aside as a gag factor of the soda that i hadn't really drank in a week since i was at camp. when i got to church, everything was great, except with me. i didn't even want to sing, and for me that's really bad. about halfway through the music, a feeling came over me that made me absolutely sick… and a feeling like i shouldn't have come. i ran out… and when i hit the car, i felt so dizzy. i'm not sure exactly how i got home, and i don't really remember the trip. and now that i think about it, that's really scary. i came home and put a little food in my stomach, and then crawled into bed.
again, never really remember having to fall asleep… i think i just did. the last i remember seeing the clock before i went to sleep was right after i came downstairs, and it was like 11:15. i played on the computer for a few minutes before i went to sleep. anyways, i woke up around 7:00 tonight. when i woke up, i remember talking to someone… and i felt so confused. was it a dream? so i checked my phone, and sure enough i did. i apparently talked to ben williams. but i don't remember anything that i said… so ben, sorry if i was a dork… i hope i didn't tell you something off the wall.
i went upstairs to get some food, because i was starving… i did some spanish homework, but not all of it. i concluded that i will finish it tomorrow before class. i just didn't feel like doing anymore of it.
so, i've been up for about 3 hours, and i am still tired. how sad is that? so, i'm about to head back to bed. i feel like i've wasted a day, sleeping and all.
i think that i will update on everything from this weekend tomorrow. it was a pretty crazy one i guess. well, actually, i'll update on saturday's events… because obviously i didn't do anything today.
i'm still basking in the love of camp people though. i have lots of letters to write. this week looks like a busy one… i've got to get caught up with school stuff…
home… for a while
home from camp… and i can't put in words to say how much i already miss it and the people that i spent so many hours with. the sense of community is overwhelming, and it's incredible! i just loved it. i… loved it.
once i got home, i ate some lunch and had a shower…. i headed to one of my best friend's wedding. matt looked so great! i was so excited for him… not only did i get to see him when i haven't seen him in so long, i saw ALL of my buds from college. they are so awesome. after matt left out, we all headed to go bowl and then to dinner. it is so great hanging out with them.
the only bad thing is that i've always had some strange feeling or connection around one of my friends. when i hang out with him, it just confuses me. i don't understand it at all. but, i guess that's ok.
anyways, i'm so tired, i'm not thinking straight. so, i think i'm headed to bed… i really need some sleep. and tomorrow, i have to do lots of homework. 
rest time…
geez…. it's warm in here, but i'm so glad it's flat time. flat time is happy time…
it is rest that is due. man, i don't think i've ever been this busy, tired but not really. camp is incredible. i love my cabin. they are super. love the interest group, because they're so diggin the prayer thing. i'm teaching modern prayers, ancient practices. it rocks my face off. my discussion group is… interesting. they are great though.
camp… oh, how have i not jumped on the wagon sooner. it makes me sad that i didn't get to come as a camper. i know that i would have loved it. i pray that camp will still be alive and kickin when i have kids one day.
my heart has been heavy in prayer for a friend of mine… i don't know the situation, i just feel like i need to pray. i want so badly to call and find out what's wrong or if something is even wrong, but i can't… i'm at camp. there be no cell phone coverage out'chere.
i have one camper too that i am praying for. her situation is not a great one. her mom is in jail and has been off and on for years. her dad we think may be abusive. she is a very needy child. i pray that maybe she'll get a glimpse of what she truly needs.
the team this year is INCREDIBLE! wow… i want to grab all of them up for 139. they are so super. i'm so proud to be a counselor for them… and the directors this year, superb! i love laura eanes & deb welsh. they are so tight. brian erickson is doing a kickin' job too with the messages.
camp is so great. i'm loving being here. i want to be here all the time, because this is the greatest feeling ever… to love and to be loved all in one huge community. i thank God every time i think about it… that i'm so thankful to be able to be here this week with such an amazing group of kids & adults.
camp at last…
ok… i'm officially at camp. of course, you won't be reading this until after i'm back, or maybe if i get a chance to bug a phone line. hmmm…. fun stuff.
there is nothing like being at camp. i love it. it just makes life so much easier, or so it seems. camp is a haven… it's a place where i can go to get away and fall at the feet of God and let him love me. yay.
it's the greatest feeling in the world to either meet someone you have been talking to, or meet someone of whom you've heard of or them hearing of you. i now know the great winston baccus… and that is a treat my friend. although, because of my big mouth, he might regret meeting me… ha ha ha. sometimes i just push the limits.
i already feel so much closer to God right now… why? i'm away from all that is usually fast and familiar. it's nice to actually not really know a soul coming in here. it will help me branch out. yay for branching out. i know, you're probably wondering what in the world… go ahead. say what you want, but there's something inside of me that is sometimes timid. it's scary and strange. but no matter, it's there.
we went to walmart tonight. i just had the feeling to dance. it was the greatest. the funniest part is that i probably have met or known half of the people there, being from oneonta and all. when we were driving through town, all i could do was think of funny stories about all of the places. i didn't say any out loud though, because i'm sure that winston, matty & caitlin didn't care to hear them. ha ha ha.
so now i'm sitting on my bed, waiting for something to kick in to make me do my spanish homework, because right now i REALLY don't want to do it. isn't that sad? although i'm at camp, i still have to worry about my homework and all so that i don't fall too badly behind. that would be a truly horrible thing.
in need of…
"healer, heal me,
savior, save me,
maker, change me,
lover, love me
'cause i'm so tired
of living for
the kind of love
that only lasts for a while…"
in reviewing my past week and my past posts, i have become very worried about my current state. never did i realize that i was being so pathetic and such a baby, and focusing completely on myself.
church was incredibly moving today. i felt like every single item was thrown right at me. the songs spoke exactly what i needed to say. the message told me exactly what i needed to do. it was the best timing ever. in my current state, i didn't realize how much i needed what i did.
i keep wondering in my mind how i let myself get as far as i did without seeing it. i had blinders on… jealousy over took me, and an intense sense of want for things that are not in my timeline yet. i know that i must have missed some great things from God this week, because i've been to preoccupied with poor pitiful me.
i need healing, i need to be loved, and there is only one person who can do that, and he's not been booked on my schedule at all this week. i feel so bad, like a horrible child who has received disapproval from her father. camp could never come at a better timing. neither could father's day.
i'm having to leave out without hanging out with my dad today, and i feel so horrible. i mean, true, it's not like i haven't seen him ALL weekend with the wedding and all, but i feel like i'm abandoning him on his day. but, i gotta get going to camp!
i'm so excited about camp today. words cannot convey the happiness in my heart. time to be away, to be close, to be loved, to be worshipful, to be one or many, to be in the presence of an incredible God who loves us with all of his heart.
go God… you rock my face off.
update…
ok, so here's what's new…
-my brother is married
-my feet hurt
-i'm sleepy
-i just had outback at 11 p.m. with my cousins
-each one of my new sis-in-law's family has a giant flagpole up their butt
-the pranks… well, they were like a taste of heaven.
i'm tired… i'm going to bed.
blah… no, really.
i'm officially about to fall over dead. it's been a busy week. well, maybe not busy, but full. and now, i'm tired, with no hope of sleeping in past 7:30, because of this freakin wedding. geez… i want my life back. please God… let it be over soon.
i'm really happy for my bro though. tonight me and one of the groomsmen planned something for exiting the area. the bride's leaving to an upbeat oldies song. so, we're gonna be all elegant and all, and halfway down, break apart and start dancing, and then head back together like nothing happened. my brother got so cracked up, and begged us to do it tomorrow night… of course, we will! tonight, during one of the parts of the rehearsal, i found an old wine bottle in the house, and walked out like i was drunk with my groomsman. it was a riot… i even planned a fall. however, on my way up the stairs, i fell more than i wanted and scratched up my leg pretty good. my side of the family was howling… fredia's side, not so much. it was great. the preacher said i really missed my calling, and that i should be in the movies. personally, i think he's crazy. but, he probably thinks that i'm crazy after we got into a small theological debate. we didn't see eye to eye, though… he being baptist and all. ha ha ha.
i love going up to the lake. it's so peaceful. it's a great drive. speaking of a drive, i saw the funniest thing. there was a mobile home on the side of the road for sale. it also had a sign on it that said "low mileage." ok… that had to be the funniest thing i'd ever read. man, words cannot contain how stinkin' funny that was at the moment.
the other hilarious moment of the day? well, everyone who knows me pretty much knows that i high-five john wesley when i walk into conference office, mainly just to amuse julia, the lady at the desk. well, today when i was leaving the coym office, i went to high-five handshake, and hugged john. well, julia made a crack, and said, 'you gotta watch john, he's a hard ass.' ok, you should know… john wesley is a bronze statue. that was just awesome. but, then she said something about him being buff and said, 'he's really got the buns of steel around here.' oh my gosh. my knees got so weak, i almost fell down laughing. when i got to my car, i had to sit there for a few minutes and just laugh.
other than that, i had a spanish test today… i pray that i did well. we had rehearsal dinner, and it went well. now, i'm tired, and i have to go to bed, because we have a bridesmaid's breakfast (gag). anyways, it will be over soon. i just want a normal week again. but, ONLY after CAMP! yehaw! it's only a little more than a day away. i'm so excited!
