amazing day
last night i was stupid. can i just say that? stupid, really stupid. i let my thoughts go, and end up feeling like an idiot. but, that's ok… because it seemed to turn around when i got up this morning.
wow… today has been incredible. i'm so glad that i got to leave on the terms that i did. every single kid hugged my neck tonight, and hung out for the LONGEST time. it was so rockin. i finally left an hour and a half after youth was over. man, good times. it's times like these, that i'm thankful that i am upfront and want to be honest. and that is what i was, with all of them.
there's this one kid that made me cry though. in a good way. he's one of those kids that you just focus on, and you're bound and determined to get him back where he needs to be, no matter how hard it is. well, i'm so glad to have known him. he didn't come to youth tonight, so i called him, and told him to get his butt to the church so i could tell him goodbye. he came up, and we had our little chat session about what all was going on.
he said… "emily, when you first nagged at me, i was like, way down here." (signals hand around his knees). "now i'm like way up here (signals to his head), and that's all because you wouldn't let me go. and i don't have anyone to challenge me anymore since you're leaving." wow… teary eyed moment. i about starting bawling. at this point, i want to stay at all costs… it makes me sad. but, then i told him that he's at a level where he needs to do his own journeying with christ… then i threaten him by saying if he let's himself get back to his old self, he'll make me cry. he just laughed. i hugged him about 15 times while he was there. he's one of those kids that has SOOOO much potential if he'd tap into it. he's such a good kid. a great leader. he says that he can't do things sometimes because of the crowd he runs around with… i told him that was crap. he laughed. i will really miss that kid. plus, we both are ben harper fans. that's always a bonus point. and, he said he's gonna drive to birmingham just to sit at my table and be waited on. sweet boy.
adults showed up tonight to bid farewell too. they all invited me to visit, and said they'd call if they came to birmingham. that made me smile. all in all, it was a wonderful end to my tenure at alex city. now i just have to pack. and i don't think i want to do any of it tonight. i'll save it for later.
a day of goodbyes
today was senior sunday. it was incredible. i felt like a parent, well, not really, but i was so proud of each and every one of them! even those that i just met today… yeah, you gotta love those kids. they were so giddy and happy. it made me smile to know that one of them might be the next president. or usa soccer player. wow. that's all i can say.
of course, they weren't the only ones to say goodbye. i had my goodbyes to say. it was so incredible the love that i felt today. they all wanted to go to lunch with me this week, and of course, i opted in on it. they won't get to come to the 'goodbye umyf' tonight, because of baccalaureate. i also had to say bye to siblings of theirs, because of course, they won't be there tonight either.
you know, my last church didn't let me say goodbye, because they thought it would hurt the kids. i'm getting to say goodbye, and i sense something totally different. when they read my letter, and then saw me today, they all hugged me and said, man, we hate to lose ya… not anything mad or angry. just in love. plus, some offered to come help me on saturday. tonight, the entire youth group will be there to do the same. i'm glad that i sent out the letter. it gave them time to prepare. some of the juniors today at the luncheon said that they were glad too… it helped them not be as shocked when they saw me. i am so glad that i am getting to say goodbye, regardless of how much it hurts to do it. it's such a huge amount of closure.
so, that's where i am now… ready to prepare tonight's stuff for youth. i believe that we'll have game request night, so that we'll play some of the best games ever… no lame ones allowed. all in all, i'm so glad that i am leaving out on a note like this… i'm glad to just hug their necks…
new beginnings begin
well, it's official. i'm now beginning a new chapter in my life. a chapter in which i take a simpler view on life. i go back to school in the fall. it looks like i'll be working at the YMCA for the summer, and taking on a server's job as well. man, stress will be so much simpler. in a way, i'm truly excited.
on my drive back to birmingham, i began to process what all will be happening in the next few weeks. a major flip. i will no longer have the life i've had for 2 years. well, i will still have some aspects of it, like camp functions. but, for the most part, it will dissipate for a while. with that comes excitement… about what is to come, what can happen. i'm so thrilled about the upcoming days (well, after this sunday when i have to say goodbye).
i basically said a true goodbye to students as they left afterschool today. they didn't know it, but in my heart, i prayed for each one as they walked out… i prayed for them to have strength, the kind that comes only from Christ. i prayed that they would infect their world with the love and grace that God gives us each day. i wondered about what will become of each one of them, and that made me happy to know that i had a chance to know these students that can possibly rock the world. that makes me happy with every youth that i come across. God is so stinkin' awesome. 
ok, i'm gone to go get some errands run and to go to school to check on some stuff. lata.
finally
ok, so it's 8:45 in the morning, and i've been packing and gathering things for almost an hour! i finally got motivated to do something. it's amazing. i can't believe it. ha ha.
today is my last office day. that's kinda sad. but, i feel ok about it. i'm ready to get packed up. this week has been so long. is that sad? wow. sunday night will be hard. i'll be very sad to say good bye to the students. they're amazing. but, the letter to them goes out today. so, that'll lighten the blow a bit i think. so, yeah… that's where i am right now. thinking about this weekend.
luckily, i am escaping for the weekend. i'm headed to b'ham… caro's b'day bash on friday night… and probably getting stuff ready to move on saturday (moving trucks and all). the date to move is set: may 22. whoop. it will be the longest day ever… 
hopefully it won't be raining to badly. it seems like it might not stop raining for a few days. what happened to april showers? they're late…
so i'm gonna pack for another hour. then head to work. lovely.
still the same
yep, still didn't do anything tonight. decided to watch the bachelor. for 2 hours. i'm just glad that trish is gone. but sometimes i feel bad for her.
anyways, didn't do any packing, and that's why i brought home my brother's vehicle (the blazer). so, yeah… i totally got no packing done. i DID however get my laundry folded and a bag started for the goodwill. does that constitute for anything possibly?
ahhh, peace & quiet?
wow, i was so excited to get home and see that it was raining, and i was thinking… man, it's gonna be a nice night to relax and just chill…
yeah, like that could happen. i'm STILL procrastinating from the beginning of the week. i shouldn't be doing that. i need to be packing. i need to be throwing things out. i need to be doing something besides sitting here at the computer. man, why can't i just get motivated enough to do it?
well, today's answer is simple… i've been up since 6:00 a.m. yeah, i know that it probably doesn't seem to early to lots of people, but it is to me. i am usually asleep until 8:30 a.m. why? because i'm up half the night. because i find things to do, like watch tv or read other lj's or talk on IM. man, i'm just a lazy procrastinator.
good news. i did check into school. maybe i said that already in another post. i think i did. i can't remember. so now i have to go talk to my landlord. gosh. too much to do.
tomorrow is my last official office day. wow. i don't know what to think. hmmm… i have a lot to do though. sunday is my last UMYF to be a part of here. then, i'll get packed up for real. man… i hate moving.
what the crap?
ok, so i had the weirdest phone call last night from this person who their family is making my life miserable at times. and she called and gave me a guilt trip about not coming up to the church to hang out. well, i finally decide to head up there, and they are gone! i leave a message and say that i went up there. she calls me and apologizes and asks me to lunch. now, this is a very strange situation, mind you… sorry that i can't go into more detail. anyways, i tell her i have to call her back, because i am on the phone (i really was). after i got off the phone, i call my associate pastor. he says don't do more than office stuff this week, since sunday is my last day. so i kindly do not accept her invitation, and she says to pencil her in. the only thing i can do is say i'll give her a call. AHHHHH!
it's so hard to keep this underwraps while i'm waiting for sunday. but luckily, it will only be this way until tomorrow, when i write the letter to the student ministry, and then head out of town for the weekend. so, yeah. i'll be back for sunday to say my goodbyes and all.
some of this petty stuff that is so aggravating is one reason why i'm glad that i won't be here much longer. i think that i'm just annoyed.
i really didn't get anything done last night except for looking up school stuff and making myself a checklist for school. i REALLY need to do some packing tonight. seriously.
yep, should be interesting
so this morning at 9:00 am we have a program staff meeting. it should be pretty crazy. i don't know if my associate pastor will reveal that i'm leaving or not. i guess we'll find out. if he does say something, then that might be bad… we have a few people who talk on our staff. man, that's a sad thing too. that's one reason that i feel like i can't trust anyone around here. it's sad when you can't even trust your own staff. sadness. very very sad.
anyways, i'll be busy the rest of the day with stuff for senior sunday, and going ahead and preparing things for me to pack up and head out. when i get home today, i REALLY need to start packing some things in my house. maybe i'll be motivated today… something, PLEASE motivate me.
so that's all i have for now… i have to go to work.
wow, that was easy
yeah, so i had the dreaded conversation today with the pastors about my resignation. yeah, it was SUPPOSED to be dreaded. instead, it was quite pleasant. i was taken back by how understanding they were about the situation. very surprising. they wished me my best. so i have this week to finish out… and then monday and tuesday (if i need it) to pack up my office. that should be pretty cool i guess. anyways, it was quite shocking.
so now i just have to get motivated to pack up my house. man, i hate, and i mean, HATE, maybe loathe is a better word, moving. it's the worst thing in the world. but, i guess it has to be done. now i just have to talk to my landlord and beg him to let me out of my lease without taking away my deposit. hey, it can happen… i was expecting a horrid talk today, and i got best wishes. man, God is a cool God.
alright, well, that does it for me. i'm going to sleep.
on a side note before i go… i have a huge knot on the left side of my head, and i swear, i haven't hit anything… hope it'll be gone tomorrow… hope that it's nothing crazy.
home sweet home????
OK… i'm back in alex city. i dreaded, and i mean, DREADED, the trip down here. i'm at my house, and it seems so foreign to me. this is my home, and has been for a while, and now it's just… strange. i talked to my youth coordinator tonight. she is so incredible… i wish i could have her as a personal assistant all of the time, because she's so amazingly supportive. i told her my final decision, and she said that she understood my reasoning. i'm sad that i am leaving the students, because they are so awesome. but they deserve someone who can be 100% with them, and i feel like i can't give that right now. but, it will all be good. i'm excited about what God might have in store… who knows.
so i talked to one of my best friends tonight… told him that i had lost 57 pounds. he was flabergasted to say the least. then he shot off and said, wow, you must weigh like 120 now.. yah, right. i told him what i started at, and that i have in mind to lose about 40 more. hopefully i'll be able to! i'd like to lose about 10-15 before my brothers wedding and before matt's wedding. i forced my friend brian to take me as his date to the rehearsal dinner for matt's wedding. i'll be the only one of the group not there if i don't go. so i guilt tripped him into it. should i feel guilty… nah, maybe later. i kidded with him and told him that i will probably have some hot date on my hands for the wedding. wow, in a million years i guess. maybe one day God will smile on me with that good fortune… one day.
for now, i'm about to throw up about tomorrow morning's meeting… i can't eat, i feel sick and didn't eat dinner. man, how sad is that. anyways, hopefully it will all go well. i just keep wondering what all will happen. i guess i'll find out in about 12 hours.
