First off, yeah yeah, it’s been a while. Bite me. I’ve been busy. Now on to the story.

This has to be one of the most memorable Christmases that I’ve had in a long time… mainly because my parents are freaking hysterical. I haven’t laughed so much with them in a long time, and I why I love my family so much. I wish I could put them in a box and keep them with me all them time when I’m in D.C., except of course when I’m screaming at some moron who is crossing the street and causing traffic to back up. I’m sure they wouldn’t approve then. 

Anyway, my parents are always throwing out one-liners. My dad is the king of them. He’s been creating them since I was a child. I’d say that I’d have a headache and his response would always be, “Well if I had a head like that, mine would hurt too.” Ha, like we haven’t all heard that one – typical dad, right? Anywho, my dad is constantly providing quips that keep us giggling, or we revert back to when I was 10 and he used to have the “horse eat corn” (he grabs my knee with no avail, and I swear it tickles so much and I just can’t get loose no matter how hard I try). Well, I make an epic fail to do the same to him, and then he usually chases me around the house until we’re yelling for my mom for an intervention. Then she usually chimes in with her one-liners. Our house is chaotic when everyone is home, can you tell??? Add to it one brother, a sister-in-law, and an 11 month old girl who is insanely mischevious (like her daddy), and it makes for one hilarious party.

Today I went shopping with my mom just because we had nothing else to do. We had our family Christmas gathering yesterday because of my brother’s family schedule, so we set out to do the unmentionable at Christmas: shop for ourselves… oh the horror! and the deals! She is even helping me pick out a New Year’s Eve dress, which has actually been pretty painless… My mom, who often says things without thinking them through completely (no, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree), blurts out as we’re walking to the car, “I need a drink.” Now, in normal world, that means, “Hi, I’m (fill in your name here), and I’m an alcoholic.” But, to my mom, she was thirsty. But, it was the way she said it that opened it up for the greatest rapid fire of liners. Oy, it was hysterical. My mom, the trooper just played along, even braving the line that yes, she did indeed have a problem. Later in the car, her profanity then kicked in (apparently after she got her drink on), as she complained that there was “no more ass” in her drink… Unfortunately to her dismay, she totally mean ice, but the damage was done, and our family can never let it go.

My favorite Christmas memory so far now this year, though, has to be the refrigerator magnets that have become a new tradition here in the exended family of the Muse. We have the letters of Christmas spelled out in individual calligraphic letters with beautiful decoration. They’ve been around for about 10 years or so. Well, this year, the T went missing. And, instead of just not putting them up, my mom thought it would be funny to make it someone risque and vulgar, spelling “Chrimass” instead. So, this year’s joke has been wishing everyone in and out of the doors a “Merry Chrimass” instead of an actual greeting. People look at us funny, but we can usually tell them that we’re from Alabama and no one should expect anything less.

Before I know it, my parents will be pulling out Jack Daniels to celebrate and my world will be turned upside down. 

It’s been the most amazing Chrimass this year. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I’m spending time with family and finally getting some downtime, just before I’ve got to scoot back to the district.

So, now with all the care and love in my heart, to all my Christian friends – Merry Christmas, to all my Jewish friends – Happy Chanukah, to the rest of us – Happy Festivus, and to those who have no soul and wish to believe in nothing, hope that you have fun working. Happy Holidays everyone!